Item description for The Healing Choice: How to Move Beyond Betrayal by Brenda Stoeker & Susan Allen...
Overview With biblical wisdom and compassion born of experience, Stoeker and Allen guide women who have been hurt by their husband's sexual infidelities toward genuine spiritual and emotional restoration.
Publishers Description You Are Not Alone In the wake of betrayed intimacy, you may feel nauseated, angry, humiliated, desperate. "Why am I not enough for him? Can our marriage be saved-and do I even want to try? Will this unbearable ache ever go away? " Amid the devastation that follows a spouse's sexual disloyalty, you need to know that you are not alone. God walks alongside you, offering comfort and a promise to transform the pain of the present into hope for the future. In addition, there is a community of women who know firsthand the agony caused by a husband's sexual compromises and who offer the compassion, strength, and biblical wisdom you need to make healthy decisions for yourself and your family. "The Healing Choice "reveals the hope-filled stories of two such women, authors Brenda Stoeker and Susan Allen, who draw on their own experiences and those of many others to offer step-by-step advice for rediscovering intimacy with God and finding the support you need to move toward genuine spiritual and emotional restoration. Their down-to-earth insights light the path toward help and healing for every woman who longs to move beyond the pain of broken trust and experience God's promise of hope.
Citations And Professional Reviews The Healing Choice: How to Move Beyond Betrayal by Brenda Stoeker & Susan Allen has been reviewed by professional book reviewers and journalists at the following establishments -
Christian Retailing - 06/09/2008 page 28
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Studio: WaterBrook Press
Est. Packaging Dimensions: Length: 7.98" Width: 5.24" Height: 0.67" Weight: 0.6 lbs.
Release Date Jun 17, 2008
Publisher WaterBrook Press
ISBN 1400074258 ISBN13 9781400074259
Availability 1 units. Availability accurate as of Mar 27, 2017 06:51.
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More About Brenda Stoeker & Susan Allen
Brenda Stoeker is a registered nurse, mother of four, and seasoned marriage teacher with life experience in rebuilding a broken marriage. Together she and her husband, Fred, have counseled hundreds of couples struggling with issues related to sexual brokenness. Susan Allen is a counselor who specializes in helping women create and maintain effective healing groups in churches and communities across the country. With husband Clay, she is the cofounder of Avenue, a ministry centered on healing and restoration from sexual brokenness.
Reviews - What do customers think about The Healing Choice: How to Move Beyond Betrayal?
The Healing Choice Jul 28, 2009
Brief Summary: (Non-fiction) This book is written for those who have been thrown into, as the book calls it an "unintentional journey"--of dealing with the aftermath of discovering a husband's battle with pornography or some other form of sexual infidelity.
There are two distinct parts: The first tells of Brenda's pain filled journey in watching her mother die from cancer. She parallels this situation to a woman who has to deal with the death of a dream. The dream of a marriage filled with trust and fidelity.
At first, Brenda shows us how she unsuccessfully dealt with this situation. However she doesn't leave us there. She shows us how God used even this situation in her life to bring about something beautiful. Although she lost her mother, she grew to intimately know her heavenly father. Through her life's journey, we see how one can rise above the circumstance and find connection and freedom in Christ, regardless of the situations we find ourselves in here on earth.
The second half of this book is written by Susan Allen, she shares her story and the steps she's taken to restore her broken heart and give hope to those of us who happen find ourselves thrown into similar marital situations.
Both authors address the feelings of humiliation, betrayal, anger, and loneliness, abandonment, fear, lack of control, and more. All of these come with the pain inflicted by a spouse's sexual betrayal, but they don't leave us there. They remind us several of important truths of who we are in Christ-- regardless of our circumstances and that we can trust God with our broken hearts and find healing, even in the bleakest times.
A complete approach to help you make that healing choice for yourself Mar 4, 2009
THE HEALING CHOICE is such an unusual book that it's hard to know what to make of it. It's actually two books in one: Brenda Stoeker's account (with commentary from her husband, Fred) of the grief she experienced when her mother died of mesothelioma, a deadly form of lung cancer, and Susan Allen's account of the betrayal she experienced when she discovered her husband's serial unfaithfulness. The connection between these two seemingly different experiences is Stoeker's contention that her grief paralleled the reaction she had to her own husband's sexual addiction years earlier.
Stoeker maintains that those parallel reactions were rooted in a faulty view of God and misplaced expectations about God's promises --- and, in a sense, obligations --- to His followers. In both cases, Stoeker found herself filled with rage at God and unable to trust Him, which led to a physical and emotional breakdown as her mother suffered in the late stages of her illness. It was only when fear overwhelmed her that she was able to make a conscious decision to trust God once again.
Like Stoeker, Allen's healing came when she made the decision to listen to God and do whatever she felt He was telling her to do. That's a simplification, of course; this was no easy step for her to take in light of the years of lies, deception and betrayal her husband put her through. During a period of "in-house separation" when Allen and her husband shared a roof and little more, she realized that she needed to forgive her husband whether they reconciled or not. And that was also no easy step to take.
For both women, healing was truly a choice they made, and both found that their healing was greatly enriched by the company of other women --- women who had similar experiences and understood the depth of their despair. Without that support system, they believe their healing would have taken much longer to accomplish.
While Stoeker offers many significant insights and much Scripture-based wisdom, I had difficulty on a personal level making the connection between grief over a mother's death and rage over a husband's betrayal. Stoeker had an unusually close relationship with her mother, and that may be a more important factor than it seems. I've known many women who recovered from a mother's death much more quickly and completely than they did a husband's unfaithfulness. Making the parallel between death and unfaithfulness seemed to be a stretch, and one that diminished the very different impact each experience might have on a woman who has suffered through both. I also wonder how many women searching for a way to cope with a husband's infidelity will have the patience to read the first part of the book. My guess is that many will jump straight to Allen's story and perhaps miss out on the specific steps toward healing offered in Stoeker's section.
One solution to that potential problem may be Allen's THE HEALING CHOICE GUIDEBOOK, a practical workbook that helps betrayed women move beyond the betrayal and into a deeper relationship with God and other women who have taken the same "unintended journey," a phrase both Stoeker and Allen use to describe a path no one would choose for themselves.
If you are a woman whose husband has betrayed you sexually, THE HEALING CHOICE contains a great deal of information to help you handle the situation you're in. Maybe the answer to the unusual format is to read Susan Allen's section first, but make sure you don't ignore Brenda Stoeker's. The two together form a complete approach to help you make that healing choice for yourself.
--- Reviewed by Marcia Ford
Been There - Forever! Sep 26, 2008
I am just finishing this book along with the workbook with my Small Group Program. I have also been through a similiar program with the "Unintended Journey". The only other reference material used was the Bible, the ultimate compliment to any publication. These publications have truly saved my sanity. My husband has been sexually addicted probably since before we were married and that was 40 years ago. I searched and searched for reference materials such as this for a very long, long time. Imagine my relief when information started to be published on the subject of sexual betrayal in marriage. I am very familiar with other publications by Mr. Stoeker. He has amazing insignt into what a woman feels when she has been betrayed by her husband. He has been there and done that. As for Brenda and her story about grief, I was overwhelmed with the realization that the feelings one feels when griefing are the exact feelings that are felt when there is sexual betrayal. Again, amazing insight. Because of this and other material I have been able to start my own healing process and only look to God for my total well being. How wonderful I feel about that. I look forward to the second part of this publication to come on the market, which should be very soon. I wait in anticipation.
Gets Better As You Read Sep 26, 2008
The book is divided into two parts. The first part is Brenda's story, the traumatizing experience and subsequent death of her mother from mesothelioma--lung cancer. As a Christian, she felt that God had betrayed and abandoned her. She felt out of control and makes the case that her suffering parallels that of a woman whose wandering husband has betrayed and abandoned her.
The second part of the book is Susan's Unintended Journey. She tells her experiences of the heartbreak of being married to a man trapped in pornography addiction. Adultery and abuse are touched on as well. The topics are grim. As Susan writes, "It is a certainty that you aren't reading this book for your pleasure." Both sections of the book are filled with Bible verses to help direct a path back to God if the healing choice is made, and that's the key--it is a choice.
I feel that the first half of the book is the weaker half. The second half begins to tackle the problems. This book would be of help to women in any of these circumstances. A workbook is sold as a companion.
Brilliant, heartfelt book Aug 27, 2008
I absolutely loved this book. I haven't read Susan's part yet, but Brenda's part was amazing. She talks about the loss of her mother to cancer and the pain she went through as a result. She discusses how her relationship with God was affected through her mother's sickness. She felt anger towards God and for a long time wasn't able to trust Him and didn't want anything to do with Him. But through determination and God's grace, she was able to pull through and grow closer to God than ever before and trust him completely. Now some might be wondering what this has to do with betrayal from a spouse. Brenda draws brilliant parallels between her hurt thoughts towards God during her mother's illness and a woman's hurt thoughts towards God during a situation of betrayal with a spouse. The connections are amazing. Brenda gives clear and extremely helpful steps in overcoming anger and frustration with God and being able to draw close to Him and rely on Him in any situation no matter what. She gives advice on how to learn to trust in Him and lean on His strength in a hard time. I loved what Brenda had to say. She was extremely sincere and the book is written very clearly. I recommend it to anyone going through a difficult time, not just sexual betrayal. It will help you to rely and trust God like never before!