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Choosing to Cheat: Who Wins When Family and Work Collide [Hardcover]

By Andy Stanley (Author) & John C. Maxwell (Foreword by)
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Item description for Choosing to Cheat: Who Wins When Family and Work Collide by Andy Stanley & John C. Maxwell...

Work. Family. Church. Hobbies. Fitness. Housekeeping. Socializing. Sleep. With only 24 hours in each day, we simply can't fit everything in. And what we choose to cheat is a clear announcement of our values. When you come home an hour earlier, miss a round of golf, or let the dishes sit while you play with your child, you make your family feel valued and secure. Bestselling author Andy Stanley helps you restore your vision of what really matters - and guides you in making courageous decisions about your time.

Publishers Description
Work. Family. Church. Hobbies. Fitness. Housekeeping. Socializing. Sleep. With only 24 hours in each day, we simply can't fit everything in. And what we choose to cheat is a clear announcement of our values. When you come home an hour earlier, miss a round of golf, or let the dishes sit while you play with your child, you make your family feel valued and secure. Bestselling author Andy Stanley helps you restore your vision of what really matters - and guides you in making courageous decisions about your time.

Who are you cheating?

You love your family. You love the challenges of your job. But there’s not enough of you to go around. Somebody isn’t getting as much of your attention as they want or deserve.

This little book presents a strategic plan for resolving the tension between work and home—reversing the destructive pattern of giving to your company and career what belongs to your family.

But be will have to cheat.

Story Behind the Book

Andy has spent hundreds of hours with men and women who have cheated their families for the sake of their career goals. They all admitted knowing there was a problem. This is not a struggle relegated to some diminutive segment of society. We all wrestle with the tension between work and family. Regardless of which side of the equation you are on, you know what it is like to deal with the endless cycle of guilt, anger, jealousy, and rejection. But there is a solution. Strangely enough, the solution is similar to the problem. Both involve cheating. Simply put, you must choose to cheat at work rather than at home.
Andy Stanley is a graduate of Dallas Theological Seminary and the founding pastor of North Point Community Church in Atlanta , Georgia , with a youthful congregation of more than 12,000. For the past 12 years of his ministry, he has consistently mentored a young group of future leaders and Christian pastors. He has also hosted conferences for leaders under 40 and spoken at Catalyst Conferences. Andy is the author of Visioneering, the bestseller Like a Rock, and his most recent book, The Next Generation Leader. Andy and his wife, Sandra, have two sons, Andrew and Garrett, and a daughter, Allison.

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Item Specifications...

Pages   144
Est. Packaging Dimensions:   Length: 7.17" Width: 5.27" Height: 0.59"
Weight:   0.44 lbs.
Binding  Hardcover
Release Date   Dec 10, 2003
Publisher   Multnomah Books
ISBN  1590523296  
ISBN13  9781590523292  

Availability  0 units.

More About Andy Stanley & John C. Maxwell

Andy Stanley Andy Stanley leads one of the fastest growing churches in America today. He is a sough-after speaker and leadership mentor with a special passion for raising up the next generation of leaders capable of leading from a core of integrity, faith and wisdom. A best-selling author, Andy continues to challenge others through books such as, Choosing to Cheat, The Best Question Ever, The Next Generation Leader and Visioneering.

Andy Stanley is the founder of North Point Ministries, Inc. (NPM). Each Sunday, more than 33,000 people attend one of NPM's seven Atlanta-area churches. In addition, NPM has planted over 25 churches outside the metro Atlanta area with a combined weekly attendance of more than 15,000. Over one million of Andy's messages are accessed from our North Point websites monthly, including both leadership and sermon content.

SPANISH BIO: Andy Stanley fundo North Point Ministries, Inc. (NPM) en 1995 con la vision de crear iglesias a las cuales les agradara asistir tambien a las personas que no se identifican con ninguna otra iglesia. Cada domingo, mas de 33.000 personas asisten a una de las siete iglesias que tiene North Point en la zona de Atlanta, Georgia. NPM tambien ha fundado tambien mas de 25 iglesias fuera de la zona metropolitana de Atlanta, con una asistencia semanal combinada de mas de 15.000 personas. Cada mes, mas de un millon de personas escuchan sus mensajes en los distintos portales de NPM en la web. Andy y su esposa Sandra viven en Alpharetta, Georgia, y tienen tres hijos: Andrew, Garrett y Allie. Puedes encontrar mas informacion y utilizar los recursos gratuitos que se ofrecen, entrando a su portal:

Andy Stanley has published or released items in the following series...
  1. Lifechange Books
  2. Northpoint Resources
  3. Serie Bolsillo

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Product Categories

1Books > Subjects > Religion & Spirituality > Christianity > Christian Living > General
2Books > Subjects > Religion & Spirituality > Christianity > Christian Living

Christian Product Categories
Books > Christian Living > Practical Life > Career

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Reviews - What do customers think about Choosing To Cheat?

Poorly treated subject.  Aug 14, 2008
Although the main point of this small book has value and, needs to be addressed by all people (Christian or not), this particular treatment is fairly useless.

We are all indeed overburdened by our work and family life, and will lean more heavily to one extreme in attempting the impossible task of "getting everything done that needs to get done."
That being said, and an obvious point, this book's style is so diluted and simple that it could be played as background chatter in a dentist office. There is no theology here, no strong Biblical support. Rather, you will find here cute anecdotes, colorless stories and dinner table pabulum at a low budget counseling seminar. These are not deep Biblical truths, but cheap examples of popular pseudo-psychology.

If you search for theological and biblically rooted evidence, this is not the book for you. If on the other hand you chew on Lucado and Osteen for your daily Scriptural diet, then this book should fill your bookshelf beautifully.
Necessary and straight to the point challenge!  Jan 9, 2008
Stanley draws a very clear line in the sand that we should not be willing to cross for the sake of our families. We're never done with work or family, so one of them is going to get cheated. It's important for you to make the choice of which one so it is not made for you. This book is tremendously motivational and practical.
Good secular advice, bad Biblical advice  Jan 3, 2008
Andy Stanley is the senior pastor at North Point Community Church in suburban Atlanta. From his years of shepherding God's people in Atlanta and from his own life, he realizes that workaholism is a serious and growing problem among many American men (and not a few women as well). The effects of workaholism that Stanley primarily concerns himself with is its effect on the family. Loneliness, tears, strained relationships, the rebellion of children, arguments, and divorce are just some of the negative impacts excessive working can have on a family. In "Choosing to Cheat," Stanley shows the reader the dangers of keeping constantly excessive work hours, then provides encouragement and advice for changing this habit.

In the first part of this book, Stanley's focus is on diagnosing the problem. His main arguments are that a) every person is limited to 24 hours in a day and must daily choose how to invest that time b) many men, out of a sense of obligation and attracted by the admiration of co-workers, choose to invest an excessive amount of their time working, c) all those vying for a person's attention directly correlate the amount of time spent with them to the amount he cares about them (e.g. if I spend a lot of time with my dog, it shows that my dog is very important to me; if I spend just a little time with my child, it shows my child is comparatively unimportant), d) because a man's family deeply desires his acceptance, they are willing to put up with great stress so that he can pursue work, and e) there will come a point in time when the individual members of the family can no longer take the stress of an absent father and will simply give up on him; while this shift occurs suddenly, it is preceded by many warning signs. The tone of this section is emotional as Stanley attempts to shock the reader into WANTING to change.

The second part of this book provides advice and encouragement for cutting down on the hours at work and spending more time with the family. Using the Biblical account of Daniel as a model, Stanley advises the reader to 1) figure out what concrete things are non-negotiable and devise a new work schedule to honor those non-negotiable points, 2) calmly ask your employer if your job could accommodate these points, 3) prepare yourself to endure potential consequences of this request, 4) be prepared for God to be active in the midst of this change.

The book contains an appendix of discussion questions based on each chapter.

Stanley certainly provides sound secular advice. He correctly analyzes and presents a societal/cultural problem. He is further correct in his urging men and women to allow their primary (yet not sole) loyalty be to their family. He states truth when he points out that there exist thousands of people who can do your job better than you, but there is nobody who can take your place in your family. Stanley understands the positive benefits the family will enjoy if the family members are each dedicated to one another, and he gives sound advice for approaching your employer about changing your schedule. If he would have stuck with these points, his book would have been much better.

But Stanley goes too far. A major premise of Stanley's book is that God promises to bless a person who re-prioritizes his life in such a way that family takes precedence over work. Nowhere does God make such a promise. Although Stanley relies heavily upon the account of Daniel, but the Bible's account of Daniel is DESCRIPTIVE, not PRESCRIPTIVE. In truth, Stanley buys into the popular (on television at least) "health, wealth, and prosperity gospel." That is to say, Stanley argues that if a person aligns his life to conform with God's will, he will enjoy earthly blessings. To be more specific to this book, Stanley argues that if you give up wealth and career advancement for the sake of your family, God will bless you with MORE wealth and a BETTER career than that which was given up. There is no Biblical support for this--in Scripture or in "Choosing to Cheat." Aside from that, even assuming that his (false) premise is true, why would he want to focus on the "fringe benefits" of Christian living as opposed to the ultimate reward for faith? The true reward God gives us for the gift of faith, is forgiveness of sins, life, and salvation; a promotion at work pales in comparison.

In short, Stanley presents good a good paradigm for aligning values (e.g. family above career) and assists the reader in lining up his life with those values. This book is especially helpful for those caught in workaholism and is primarily geared toward men. However, the underlying premise, that God will materially bless you for realigning your priorities is not necessarily true; He may or He may not. Neither recommended nor not recommended.
I Pledge Allegiance to My Boss  Nov 12, 2007
Andy Stanley writes, "Following the principles of God results in the blessings of God." The author's dad, Charles Stanley, says, "God doesn't reveal His will for our consideration. He reveals it for our participation." This may be your most important book purchase of the year--for yourself or your team members.

Do you pledge allegiance to your boss? Andy Stanley says that "your Creator does not define your life by your career achievements or the neatness of your pantry." Writing to both stay-at-home parents and spouses in the workplace, Stanley says you must cheat on your work if you're going to win at home. (Read the book for his definition on "cheating.") He once admonished a struggling fast track executive, "the problem is, you love your family in your heart, but you don't love them in your schedule. And they can't see your heart."

When you read this book, you'll never, ever think of Daniel without recalling Stanley's commentary. "Daniel's choice of diet was an indication of where he placed his loyalty. For us, the chief indicator is time. Daniel's loyalty was tested by what he ate. Ours is tested by what we put on our calendars. Where you spend your time is an indication of where your loyalties lie. In effect, you pledge your allegiance to the person or thing that receives your time."

There are lots of books on balancing work and family. This one is different. It's not a guilt trip. Instead, it's a simple, thoughtful, Christ-centered process to help couples dig deep and ask themselves two or three really tough questions.

Stanley adds, "No where in Scripture are you commanded to lay down your life for your stock options. Or to love your career like Christ loved the church. We are instructed to do our jobs and love our families (see Colossians 3:23). When you love your job and do your family, you've not only stepped outside the bounds of family life, you have stepped outside the will of God."

Great idea, but I'm wary of the applications...  Nov 1, 2007
Andy Stanley has chosen a rather provocative title for this book in which he challenges folks to choose to cheat their employers rather than their families when it comes to priorities and time. I'm hard-pressed to disagree with this general principle, and I think that he offers a compelling case against the workaholism that has plagued generations of American families. And as one can always expect from Stanley, his writing is engaging and easy to read, so this one can be tackled in one or two sittings.

My apprehension about this book stems from its misapplication that I've already observed in some of my peers. As a 29-year-old, I'll be quite frank in declaring that the potential plague of my generation is not workaholism but sloth. I see a generation of my peers who were raised in a world of entertainment and pleasure, who get into the working world and try to find ways to be uncommitted, lazy, irresponsible employees so they can spend their time and money buying and playing with their toys. Within that context, I've seen young singles use the "Choosing to Cheat" concept to avoid hard work, cheat their employers, and invest their energies in self-gratification. This obviously misses Stanley's whole point, but I've seen it happen.

My critique is not so much about the book, then, but about the intended audience. For the 40+ generation who maybe struggles more with the dangers of workaholism, I think this book could be perfect. It's certainly a challenging and interesting book to read. But I won't be sending this to my twenty-something friends, who instead need a book that challenges us to work hard in whatever we do as a means to glorify God.

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