Item description for Forgive and Forget: Healing the Hurts We Don't Deserve by Lewis B. Smedes...
Overview For all of us who have been wounded by another and struggled to understand and move beyond our feelings of hurt and anger, Lewis Smedes's classic book on forgiveness shows that it is possible to heal our pain and find room in our hearts to forgive. Breaking down the process of healing into four stages and offering stories of real people's experience throughout, this wise book provides hope and solace for all who long for the peace that comes with forgiveness.
For all of us who have been wounded by another and struggled to understand and move beyond our feelings of hurt and anger, Lewis Smedes's classic book on forgiveness shows that it is possible to heal our pain and find room in our hearts to forgive. Breaking down the process of healing into four stages and offering stories of real people's experience throughout, this wise book provides hope and solace for all who long for the peace that comes with forgiveness. This classic is now available in an updated paperback PLUS edition with a reader's guide and other bonus materials.
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More About Lewis B. Smedes
Lewis B. Smedes, former professor of theology and ethics at Fuller Theological Seminary, is the author of many books, including "The Art of Forgiving" and "The Good Life."
Lewis B. Smedes was born in 1921 and died in 2002.
Lewis B. Smedes has published or released items in the following series...
Reviews - What do customers think about Forgive And Forget?
Healed my heart; Lewis Smedes tales you step-by-step, while holding your hand because he cares for you Mar 22, 2007
By the way, I almost never give a book the top rating but did for this one! This is the most psychologically and spirituality sound and practical book on forgiveness that I have ever encounterd. I *studied* this book, because I received heart-healing before finishing the book but found it had more riches each time I returned to it. Lewis Smedes served as the hand of God to heal my heart by showing me the goals and what I could do to reach them in an area where I had been struggling with deep, painful hurt for a long time, and had had other good spiritual help but still was not healed. God bless him!
Forgiveness Feb 18, 2007
I have bought multiple copies of this book over the years, giving it to friends in pain and reading and re-reading it myself. Deals with letting go of anger/hatred/pain through forgiveness and becoming free to once again experience joy in your life.
Forgiveness, more complicated than it may seem Jan 4, 2007
I bought this book because of its title at a time when I was struggling with the issue; and subsequently led a retreat with it for a spiritual seeking group. I refer to its wise and intelligent guidance again and again. I have recommended it to others more times than I can count. It is a logical and compassionate process book for an area that touches everyone. Forgiveness seems to be part of the human condition and this text meets my needs. I have an on going account on this book because after fruitful conversations with others, I usually send them a copy. It does not have a time value as the contents wear well through the years.
Coming To Terms With Deception. Jun 13, 2006
Written by the author of 'Mere Morality' and 'How Can It Be All Right When Everything Is All Wrong?' he instructs us in the ways to go about righting a wrong by forgiveness, through encouragement. Forgiving starts with yourself. When you get hurt badly by the actions of others, if you'll reflect on what caused the hurt, it's possible you brought it on yourself. After the upset settles down and you can think clearly again, you need to first forgive yourself for being so gullible. A nasty person doesn't get hurt by the mean actions of others; he revels in the chaos and turmoil he inadverently caused. He's proud of what he did, as he is a monster. You can forgive yourself through the courage of love (for yourself). After all, as Christians we were told to love our enemies; sometimes, we are our own worst enemies. No one else cares about what you're going through or how much you hurt, so you must put #1 first in order to forgive.
The rule is we cannot forgive ourselves unless we look at the failures in our past in a completely honest assessment. We all hurt ourselves. We need to consider the unfair harm we did to others. The memory of a moment when you lied to the person who trusted you; the times you turned away from somebody who called out to you for help. We hurt people by our bungling as much as we do by our vices. The more decent we are, the more acutely we feel the pain and hurt by those we'd let into our lives in a special way.
Are some people unforgivable? There are monsters who perpetuate such evils (to them, it was fun -- a kick!) that ordinary people think are impossible. When you are betrayed, you feel the pain that all the betrayals of human history bring into this world. Some people who cause great harm, physically or psychologically, for which there was no rhyme or reason, are unforgivable! These monsters disqualify themselves forever from forgiveness by a human being. Psychially, there are inhuman. Others who, even inadvertently were the impetus (cause) of the abuse can be forgiven. Even those who refuse to accept responsibility and run from the consequences. You need the contrast in your life. How can you truly appreciate joy until you're first experienced some sorrow?
Forgiving is a slow process. The victim of the abuse first must love himself again and realize that the world keeps on moving; only those involved know of the damage caused by one (or two) unfeeling individuals. Eventually, the one you cared for can be forgiven. He may not benefit from this process, but you will.
Only then can you get on with your life. So, it's taken a different direction and you feel lost at first -- it can be done. Someday, the person who hurt you will be hurt as badly or more by someone else. What goes around comes around. It's the cycle of life. The earth keep revolving on its axis, and others face death without pain. When you hurt, you know you are still alive. Quality of life is important, but so is continuity. Don't ever give up, as life (even when in great pain) is worth living.
Forgiving is love's revolution against life's unfairness. Anger is the executive power of human decency. You are not a failure at forgiving because you still harbor anger after a painful wrong was done to you. It is unrealistic to expect a single act of forgiveness to rid us of all angry feelings. I could never love my enemies. They are simply not worth thinking about.
I found this to be very practical Oct 20, 2004
This may turn people off because it talks about Christianity, but to me the author who is a Christian couldn't have illustrated it more perfectly than with talking about Christ. Christ provided the ultimate role model for forgiving others. When he died on that cross some 2,000 years ago he not only paid the penalty for our sins, but illustrated forgiveness on the cross while he was up there by asking God to forgive the ones who wanted him up there. I honestly don't feel that any of us could begin to start to learn about forgiveness without looking to Jesus Christ. I know I couldn't I tried for what seemed like an eternity to forgive those who hurt me as far back as 30 years ago, but it was a struggle to as I still wanted to see them suffer, and go to hell for what they did to me, and this was still after I accepted Christ. Let's face it if you've been able to forgive someone, and not think, or speak ill of them afterwards without Christ I want to meet you because somewhere through the stoic secular rhetoric I was told I missed something. Forgiveness is something that is not really held in high regard in the world as people are told to just let go, and move on, but how many people must we meet before we find the ones who meet up to our standards, and we know in our knower that they won't hurt us. I know some out there feel that "Well our families are all we need", but are we strong in ourselves that to prove we don't need Christ to forgive, and can overlook small and big disappointments our families can and will put us through. I'm a recovering unforgiver, and I've been unforgiving for over 30 years. Since reading this book I've forgiven 7 people who have hurt me, and others I'm chiseling around the edges. It's not an easy road to forgive others because you still wonder "Why Did It Have To Happen To Me?". There are things that are so small that need to be forgiven, and we don't think of them because they don't cause us financial, emotional, or physical, but left unchecked they can and will. I just can't think of forgiveness without looking to the cross because we all killed the Saviour, and not just Romans, or the Jewish. I mean the Germans, Irish, English, Arabians, Eskimos, etc. We all did it, and through it all he forgave us, and left a way open to come to him. For those who were offended I apologize, and I pray that you can learn to forgive.