Item description for If Only He Knew: Understanding Your Wife by Gary Smalley...
Overview Outlines a plan in ten basic steps for a husband who must rescue his marriage from his own neglect of, and insensitivity toward, his wife
Publishers Description Gary Smalley explains a woman's deepest needs, shows a man how to meet those needs, and gives ten simple steps to strengthen any marriage. He helps men to understand not only how to respond to a woman's feelings, but also how to make her feel important. Using humorous and touching illustrations from his own life, as well as case histories and biblical examples, Gary Smalley maps a blueprint to a better marriage.
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Est. Packaging Dimensions: Length: 0.5" Width: 8.25" Height: 5.5" Weight: 0.16 lbs.
Release Date Jun 1, 1982
Publisher Zondervan Publishing
ISBN 0310448816 ISBN13 9780310448815 UPC 025986448813
Availability 0 units.
More About Gary Smalley
Gary Smalley is one of the country's best-known authors and speakers on family relationships. He is the award-winning, best-selling author or coauthor of sixteen books, as well as several popular films and videos. The Blessing and The Two Sides of Love have won Gold Medallions, The Language of Love won the Angel Award as the best contribution to family life, and his other titles have received Silver Medallions. His national infomercial Hidden Keys to Loving Relationships has been viewed by television audiences all over the world. Gary and his wife, Norma, have been married for over thirty years and live in Branson, Missouri.
Gary Smalley currently resides in Branson, in the state of Missouri.
Reviews - What do customers think about If Only He Knew?
Helped save my marriage Mar 29, 2007
While the suggestions in this book weren't very applicable to my situation the underlying principles were. It opened my eyes to what I was doing to drive my wife away and helped me grow emotionally. Got me to where I needed to be to save my marriage.
"The" book for men on what a woman needs Jan 19, 2007
I can truthfully say that this is the best book on what a woman really needs from her husband that I have ever read. It is well worth reading by any husband who wants to touch his wife's heart and strengthen their marriage...We have purchased several as gifts.
Reading this book has changed my life! Aug 21, 2006
When my wife informed me that she wanted a divorce and that she had no connection with me whatsoever, I was completely crushed and surprised. I love her dearly and started searching for literature to help me work through the situation. I ran across this book and was blown away by the revelations it brought forth concerning my past actions and behavior. I come from a rather long career in the Marine Corps, which pretty much sucked every ounce of compassion and tenderness out of my soul. This book opened my eyes to the blindness I had grown into over the past 17 years of our marriage. I had in fact sucked the joy out of my wife and kids without even knowing it. Never again will I allow Satan to blind me so with all of life's distractions (Work, Work, Work, Big house, Nice Cars, Work, Work, Work).
This book is for men seeking to understand their illogically perceived wives who seem to live in la la land instead of reality. After reading this book, my perception of my wife is that of complete understanding and my perception of myself is that of remorseful shame.
I wouldn't recommend this book for women, because just like us men, women will not connect with a lot of the material presented as it is written from the man's point of view.
Also, there have been some reviews that state this book is out of date concerning feminism. I would have to disagree, as this book is based on Biblical principles that are timeless. Christian readers who are firmly grounded in God's word will see through the comments made on this site by others who do not understand Biblical doctrines concerning marriage. It is a shame, because I fear they will probably end up going through with divorce instead of working through their issues according to Biblical principles.
You can continue to do things your way and reap the outcome, however if you turn to God's way and reap a better outcome. This book leads you through all the points in God's word that supports His plan for marriage. You have to be honest with yourself and consider if you have done everything possible, before you just give up and turn to divorce. If you didn't truely try God's direction, then you didn't do everything possible and you are to fault.
I've weathered two months now of separation from my wife, however I'm sticking to the principles taught in this book. Each page is weathered, areas underlined and corners dog-eared. Read, it - Re-read it and apply it. I can see that my wife is beginning to notice changes in my behavior and is turning perceptions of lipservice into perceptions of permanent change.
How YOU can change your marriage May 8, 2006
My husband and I own both of these books. They really are best if you read them together: If Only He Knew (for the guys) and For Better or for Best (for the gals). I have reccomended these books to many people. I believe they help improve communication in marriage (and also other relationships!) so that you learn how to be a better partner in the relationship.
I have been reading many of these reviews. The people who were helped by it, were helped greatly. The people who did not like the content of the book, all seemed to feel that the book shouldn't be telling them what THEY need to change to improve their marriage. Look guys! There are TWO books! One for the man and one for the woman. The woman's book tells her what SHE needs to change to improve her marraige with her husband, what SHE needs to do to understand his needs, and communicate with him on his level. The man's book tells him what HE needs to do to improve his marriage. What HE needs to do so his wife will understand him. If the man's book told the reader what his wife needs to do to change, how exactly would that help??? He is supposed to be looking for answers to how HE needs to change, what HE needs to do, how HE can take action to repair past mistakes and plan for a happier future. Only you can change your own actions, you can not change your spouse. If you are reading the man's book then I think it should be telling the reader what the man needs to know and what the man can do to change. Yes, sometimes the author uses extreme examples. Sometimes the examples will look nothing like your life. Sometimes, they might resemble your life a little too closely that it makes you uncomfortable. You may not benefit frome very single chapter in the book. I don't benefit from every single chapter of every book I read. This isn't the Bible, it's a help book. If it helps, then it has done it's job.
I think perhaps if you really want to change your marriage, and make it better, you need to accept that perhaps you will have to change yourself first, before you can expect to change your mate. If you aren't looking for a book that offers advice on what YOU can do, then you won't like this book. If you are just looking for a book that you can hand to your wife and say "You need to change so we can have a better marriage" then you won't like this book. If you're looking for a SET of books that show both of you how to compromise, communicate better and be more compassionate to one another, and which will speak to each of you on your own level, then you will like these books.
Blessings to you all.
This book can change your life and marriage for the better Apr 22, 2006
This book is for any man who wants to understand the woman he loves. I would recommend it to be read even by those who feel they have a great relationship already. I married my childhood sweetheart, a girl I have loved since we were so young we NEVER remember not being in love with each other and always expected to spend our lives together. She was 3 and I was 6 when she first told me we would get married. About 17 years later we did, and this is our 26th year of marriage, with 4 children. When I read this book, it turned into a genuine spiritual experience for me. It was much like my Christian salvation experience in that it was like blinders had been tken from my eyes, I was overwhelmed with guilt, and realized I needed to make some serious changes. I knew I had failed to appreciate my wonderful wife as much as I should have, and I saw how her love and strength had made our marriage survive. I had hurt her so many times, and so deeply, I wasn't sure she could heal. I tried to make things better, not really knowing how or what to do. This book let me understand for the first time in my life, just how much my wife had consistently demonstrated her love for me, and how I could work WITH her to have a great marriage. Most of all, I realized she had submitted to me always, but I had not truly submitted to her, like many men seeing the submission part for women, and not that men are just as much in submission to their wives. Also, I realized I had failed God who had given me this woman, by not truly honoring her as I should. So it let me fulfill my relationship with God, and with my wife. Some of the book expressed things my wife had tried to tell me, but this book made it all clear in ways a man can understand. The book also made things better in my relationships with other women, in-laws, my children etc. I also purchased all the other books by the Smalleys that I could find. I should also mention that I read "The Five Languages Of Love" by Gary Chapman just before this book, which was very valuable also. I would highly recommend it. "If Only He Knew" should be read by all men who want to have a great marriage. I think a non-Christian with an open mind would still gain tremendously from the book, but it is geared toward a Christian audience. I have to question the very negative review I read and wonder if there was a real effort to do more than just "spend more timne with my family", or whatever. This book Should make you evaluate your marriage in many areas, and if you are like me you will not feel burdened or bothered to do it. You will be overjoyed to discover ways to truly be a great husband, and even if you aren't as lucky as me with such a wonderful wife, follow this book and your wife is bound to come around. I was shocked that just the apology, given sincerely, of how I had hurt her, melted my wife's heart and broght us closer than ever. I was specific about things, and then patient to give my wife some time to see the changes were real and sincere. I did not push her at all. Honestly, I never knew things could be so great. But if you ar just going through the motions, trying to find some tricks to manipulate your wife, like I think the one reviewer was, than don't be surprised at your results. This book is about understanding your wife to develop a great marriage, not tricking her into being the way you want her to be. Just read the book guys. Give it and your marriage a chance. Then don't thank me-thank God, your wife, and the Smalleys. Because if you are as fortunate as me you'll never be the same.