Item description for Honey Are You Listening?: Attention Deficit/Hyperactivity Disorder and Your Marriage by Rick Fowler, Jerilyn Fowler & Richard A. Fowler...
Overview "Maybe I could just move and not send him the new keys..." Jerilyn Fowler was at the end of her rope. Her husband, Rick, was spontaneous, funny, creative - but he had "the attention span of a butterfly and the sensitivity of kudzu." Are these scenes familiar? * You're moving. You make a list and start packing room by room. Your spouse scrounges some boxes out of the garage and starts throwing things in them at random. * You and your partner have a big argument. Hours later, you are still hurt and fuming. He traipses back in as if nothing ever happened, all cheerful and ready for romance. Rick Fowler has ADD, Attention Deficit Disorder. ADD is not a disease, and people who have it are in no way "sick." It is a difference - a big difference - in the way the brain handles information. While most people think in a one-thing-at-a-time way, ADD people take in everything at once. Sometimes they overlook the trees because they see the forest. This can be frustrating for a non-ADD partner who doesn't understand the ADD thought process. However, since communication is one area where people with ADD shine, it is well worth learning a few special skills so that you and your ADD spouse can understand each other. In "Honey, Are You Listening?" the Fowlers - married 34 years - share proven and practical tips for dealing with the sometimes exasperating traits of your ADD partner. Focusing on the advantages of living with someone who is "wired" differently, they show you how to turn those unique ADD qualities into benefits, so that you will have a more intimate, satisfying relationship.
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Studio: Fair Havens Publications
Est. Packaging Dimensions: Length: 8.46" Width: 5.58" Height: 0.52" Weight: 0.59 lbs.
Release Date May 1, 2002
Publisher Fair Havens Publications
ISBN 0966480341 ISBN13 9780966480344
Availability 0 units.
More About Rick Fowler, Jerilyn Fowler & Richard A. Fowler
Reviews - What do customers think about Honey Are You Listening?: Attention Deficit/Hyperactivity Disorder and Your Marriage?
Not what I hoped or expected Jul 23, 2007
Note: This review is based on the original release of the book as it was all that was available at the local library.
As the wife of a man who was recently diagnosed as ADD I was excited to find a resource that dealt with ADD and Marriage. However, this book was not what I hoped it would be.
First, I felt that the author could be overly negative about his own ADD at times. It sounded as if he was struggling with some of his own feelings of inadequacy based on his ADD tendencies. Although living with ADD can be difficult I don't believe that it has to be such a negative issue and I think he could have approached it in a more positive light.
Second, the entire book was based on his own marriage. This would not have been a problem with me if he wasn't a clinical psychologist. As he dealt with other people with the same problems in his everyday life I would have found it more useful if he used examples from other couples as well as his own marriage. It was assumed that all ADD marriages are like his own. For example they often talked about how the ADD spouse is extremely right-brained and that the non-ADD spouse is extremely left-brained. However, in my own experience I have found that my husband has some left-brained tendencies and that I have some right-brained tendencies. I felt that there was too much of a push to label us as all one way or the other way.
Third, it sounded as if he were advising the non-ADD spouse to become a baby-sitter for the ADD spouse. He did point out that the ADD spouse should take personal responsibility for him or her self but the majority of the solutions were about how the non-ADD spouse can help "fix" the problems of the ADD spouse.
I did find a few helpful items within the book and I marked them to share with my husband. However, only a few paragraphs of helpful information doesn't warrant a purchase of this book.
On a positive note, I did like the fact that his wife had written parts of the book. I would have enjoyed hearing more from her just as a way to balance the marriage advice given instead of having most of it written from one perspective.
Somewhat helpful Jun 18, 2007
I found the stories from Mrs. Fowler very helpful. It was helpful to realize that others have the same frustrations. Also, gave me more insight into my spouses behavior. However, the author, who has ADD, seems to forget who his audience is at times. He often writes to those with ADD rather than the non-ADD spouse. Also seems to focus on the non-ADD spouse making accomodations rather than meeting in the middle. I didnt mind the religious references until he went so far as to say he could relate better than most people to Jesus because his ADD gave him similar personality traits. Wish his wife had written the book instead!
Definitely explains things, but... Nov 5, 2006
It was a definite relief to read examples and "symptoms" that I've been dealing with in my marriage, and this book does help me understand where my spouse is coming from. As another reviewer said, it does have religious references peppered throughout, but they are from the perspective that this is the author's interest and hobby. It could as easily have been Greek mythology or basketball, it was that inoffensive and not at all pushy. My biggest concern with the book is feeling that the author at times is telling me to just paste on a smile and deal with some of our biggest problems in a positive and supportive manner, as if I just have to take it, rather than the ADD spouse might need to work on his/her behavior a bit more. Since the author does have ADD and does have a very meek and supportive wife, I'm wondering if that's supposed to be his idea of the "ideal" partnership, rather than having BOTH partners work together to meet in the middle. I preferred "A.D.D. and Romance: Finding Fulfillment in Love, Sex, & Relationships" by Jonathan Halverstadt (that author also has ADD).
A Look at ADD from inside a marriage Aug 11, 2006
This book is a revised version of one I got from our local library. It is a refreshing look at the interactions that are needed in any relationship where ADD/ADHD is a factor. It got 4 stars from me because some parts are overly talky, the beginning of the book was the best part for me.
Great Apr 20, 2006
Rick Fowler had ADD, Attention Deficit Disorder. ADD is not a disease, and people who have it are in no way "sick". It is a difference - a big difference - in the way the brain handles information. While most people think in a one-thing-at-a-time way. ADD people take in everything at once. Sometimes they overlook the trees because they see the forest. This can be frustrating for a non-ADD partner who doesn't understand the ADD thought process. However, since communication is one area where people with ADD shine, it is well worth learning a few special skills so that you & your ADD spouse can understand each other.
In this book, Dr. & Mrs Fowler-married 34 yrs - share proven & practical tips for dealing with the sometimes exasperating traits of your ADD partner. Focusing on the advantages of living with someone who is "wired" differently, they show you how to turn those unique ADD qualities into benefits, so that you will have a more intimate, satisfying relationship.