Item description for Don't Let Jerks Get the Best of You: Advice for Dealing with Difficult People by Paul Meier...
Overview "Jerkism" is unavoidable because people are naturally selfish--they look out for themselves to the detriment of others. To help readers deal with the selfish jerks (and even the jerk-like tendencies in themselves), Dr. Meier offers advice on a variety of topics, including taking control of negative cycles, learning how to forgive, and understanding how the past influences the present.
Publishers Description Dr. Paul Meier takes a look at how selfish humans are. Through light hearted episodes, Dr. Meier sheds light on how individuals act as jerks, how to become aware of manipulation, and identifying our own "jerk" tendencies. "Don't Let Jerks Get the Best of You " provides laughs while at the same time showing ways to take control of our lives and build relationships with confidence, trust, and joy.
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Studio: Thomas Nelson
Est. Packaging Dimensions: Length: 8.19" Width: 5.4" Height: 0.8" Weight: 0.65 lbs.
Release Date Apr 1, 1995
Publisher Thomas Nelson
ISBN 0785280197 ISBN13 9780785280194 UPC 020049080191
Availability 0 units.
More About Paul Meier
Paul Meier, MD is the author or co-author of more than 90 books that have sold more than seven million copies in more than 30 languages. He is also the founder of the national chain of nonprofit Meier Clinics. He is a graduate of the Duke University Psychiatry Residency and is also an ordained minister and graduate of Dallas Theological Seminary, where he taught for 12 years. He has traveled around the world teaching Christian Psychology, and has appeared on hundreds of national radio and television programs, including The Oprah Winfrey Show, the Tom Snyder Show, Norman Vincent Peale s program, and on Radio Free Europe."
Reviews - What do customers think about Don't Let Jerks Get The Best Of You Advice For Dealing With Difficult People?
read with some objectivity in its context please! Oct 12, 2007
As an evangelical Christian, there gets to be a point where I do not understand the constant criticism leveled at people like Paul Meier who truly want to help people, but are made to look as though we are all part of a holy conspiracy and damn all those who disagree with us, or for that matter that we are all religious salesmen looking to further our own interests. That is not the case here with this book, nor with myself. The spirit of tolerance that so many of us hold to AS CHRISTIANS in respecting others and their differences seems to be lost on those who insist that the spirit of modern tolerance can tolerate everything but intolerance, and of course anyone who is a Christian and writes from a Christian perspective (especially an evangelical one) is "intolerant" or suspect to bad intentions. How about instead when you pick up a book, read it in its OWN context instead of slamming it and the author for not buying into what you already hold to be true--your "world-view" or your "context". What I am basically saying is that if you read the book sleeve, looked at the bios of the author and of Frank Minirth, (and for that matter look at who published this work)--what do you expect when it comes to the direction Paul Meier is going to take when it comes to integrating his theological understanding of God and the human body and mind? Paul Meier seeks to build a relationship between the various aspects of faith, behavior, and physiology that helps explain in a short treatise why people do what they do. As such, he is a Christian, (evangelical--not liberal) and for that matter what he writes is going to reflect that. If you read a work by Sigmund Freud you certainly are going to get a different world-view with different aspects of what he believes is true--his context of what is true to himself will be different, its up to the test of time (and the testing by all of us as students of humanity) to see just exactly who has it more exact or who holds a better understanding of all of us. I just don't get all the griping and slamming I have read about Dr. Meier here in so many of the reviews, and it is disheartening to see such a low rating for what is a great book when taken in ITS CONTEXT. If you are someone who is basically a dysfunctional mess already--you are not going to like the book unless you are willing to be introspective and try to understand where Dr. Meier is coming from, (he pretty much states this as you read the book--so that's not my personal opinion but his if I am reading this in its true CONTEXT). If you are a person suffering from allowing others to jump all over you, intimidate you, etc--you might like the book if you can accept that the problems we all carry within us are complicated and can't be solved easily (and it bears repeating here that Paul Meier is attempting to state in the vernacular in just a few, readable pages how to begin working on getting ourselves out of our own messes--and away from those who seek to mess us up with their inhospitable attitudes). Overall, Paul Meier does a great job taking a very complex topic (needing a much larger book) and getting it into a readable form that can get you on the right path to becoming more "whole" as a person and less of a jerk or for that matter a doormat. I have used this book several times in counseling people in my church (Evangelical Presbyterian) and also do a Biblical studies expose/seminar using not only this book but many others from the clinic. I HIGHLY recommend for those trying to help others to obtain the book, (along with others from differing perspectives so to have a fuller picture of what many counselors are doing within their practices)and also I would note that for others looking to get a good background from a CHRISTIAN context/perspective on what makes people tick--this is a good book for that audience too. However, it is not a "ten dollar counselor with binding", nor is it a tell all/fix all for everyone who has problems. Take it for what it gives in its context and you will take a lot from it.
Don't buy Mar 25, 2007
The author spends the first third of the book simply classifying jerks into 3 categories - 1st degree, second degree and Nth degree.
When Dr. Meier gets into the core of his advice, he does not give specific advice in dealing with confrontational situations or "jerky" actions. It is more a book on codependency to jerks in relationships - spouses, parents, family members. His method is to find the root cause in your past to why people develop masochistic tendencies, recognize that source and then get better because you have recognized it. He also gives examples of his own jerky behavior and some basic advice on how not to be jerky.
Interspersed throughout the book are constant plugs for his Minerth Meier clinic, and plenty of anecdotal stories from his own life about all of the challenges he has overcome to make him the success he is and to change his own jerky ways.
All in all the title is deceptive. He does not provide any specific techniques for dealing with difficult people.
I would assess the content of the book to be 30% plug for Minerth Meier clinics, 30% biography of Mr. Meier-plugging himself--his successes in both overcoming his challenges and treating people in his clinics, 15% discussion of how not to be a jerk, and 15% discussion that people with masochistic tendencies develop codependent relationships with jerks and the cause for this tendency is the development of self worth in childhood.
Condescending and unhelpful Nov 25, 2006
Every two seconds, Meier has to mention the "Minirth-Meier" clinics. Every two seconds, Meier has to talk about himself and his beliefs in God. For a non-Christian, this is a very annoying book to read, as it is positively littered with Bible thumping. I really do respect Christian beliefs, but if you are a non-Christian reading this book, you really do get tired of the repetitiveness of talking about religion. I tried to gloss over all the God and Jesus references and focus on what the book was trying to say, but I only got half-way through. I became very disgusted that I couldn't just read the book without having Meier's religious philosophies shoved in my face all the time. This book is aimed towards Christians. If you aren't one, I really wouldn't bother reading it.
The book makes some good points on masochistic tendencies and defense mechanisms, however. I don't find myself, however, discovering anything that I didn't already know or isn't obvious. As I mentioned, I got halfway through the book and am VERY tired of it. I don't feel he is writing about anything that your average person hasn't already figured out in the course of their lives and that it is just too heavy-handed with the religious stuff.
Diamonds in a Dung Heap Nov 12, 2006
I picked up this book to help me through some problems I am having with a roommate. And it did nothing for me.
It contends that 10% of the world is mature adults, and everyone else is a jerk to one degree or another. It is full of made-up words based on the word "jerk".
"Don't" spends the first half in a made-up construction of three types of jerks, that may or may not relate to real life. The only statistics are not based on research of any kind. "Don't" doesn't tell you how to spot when someone is manipulating you, just tells you to spot it for yourself. It doesn't tell you how to stand up to a jerk, just that you should do so. It's got a few good thoughts, but so few and far between that it is not worth the read. You can find better info elsewhere.
What really upset me was having religion shoved down my throat in a text that did not make that agenda clear at all. It begins subtly enough, with a mention or two of the faith of the author. I accept that as part of the sharing process. But as the book went on, more and more of it was about Christianity. The author has every right to write about his flavor of Christianity, about his faith, or whatever he wants. But it did not contribute to the book; it just wasted pages. Finally, the "manifesto" for getting yourself to stop getting jerked around is so religiously oriented that it distracts from any relevant progress for non-Christians.
It's sloppy; the good ideas could have been condensed down to a pamphlet. Instead trees are wasted for chatter about his family in vaguely-relevant ways, senseless repetition, quizzes that go nowhere, stereotyping of non-religious people, and religious indoctrination.
I wish I'd never picked it up.
good idea, but author lacks objectivity Sep 5, 2006
This book did start out very readable, however it soon became clear that some traits he considered "jerky" had no basis in harming another person but rather failed to meet up to his personal religious code. He continues on in various worksheets to give "jerk points" for not measuring up as a Christian.
The author also takes pretty much every opportunity to shamelessly plug his personal businesses. It's like watching a movie and having a Pepsi can zoomed in on every few minutes.
I really think it is a good template for a book, if the author could have done it from a neutral and respectful viewpoint religiously speaking (or clearly labelled it as a religious self-help book), and left out the self-promotion.