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No More Christian Nice Guy: When Being Nice--Instead of Good--Hurts Men, Women and Children [Paperback]

By Paul Coughlin (Author) & Laura C. Schlessinger (Foreword by)
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Item description for No More Christian Nice Guy: When Being Nice--Instead of Good--Hurts Men, Women and Children by Paul Coughlin & Laura C. Schlessinger...

A refreshing perspective on being good reveals how being nice doesn't necessarily mean being good and utilizes the biblical model of Christ as an example of a real man, showing men how to become genuinely masculine by being both gentle and bold. Reprint.

Publishers Description
Living Bold as a Christ-like Man
"Recovering nice guy" Paul Coughlin points the way for al men who yearn to live a life of boldness and conviction--like Jesus. Using humorous examples from his own life, powerful and poignant stories, and vivid examples from contemporary culture, Coughlin shows how he learned to say no to the "nice guy" syndrome.
After all, Christian nice guys aren't always so nice. In the name of appearing Christian by being agreeable, they can lie, keep secrets, manipulate, duck responsibility, and much more. Using the biblical model of Christ as his example of a real man, Coughlin shows men how to become both gentle and bold.
A powerful challenge and a hopeful message that elevates the true biblical model of manhood above prevailing views in the church and contemporary culture, this important book helps men discover who they are in Christ and how to live for Him.

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Item Specifications...

Studio: Bethany House
Pages   224
Est. Packaging Dimensions:   Length: 0.75" Width: 5.5" Height: 8.25"
Weight:   0.55 lbs.
Binding  Softcover
Release Date   Mar 1, 2007
Edition  Reprinted  
ISBN  076420369X  
ISBN13  9780764203695  

Availability  0 units.

More About Paul Coughlin & Laura C. Schlessinger

Register your artisan biography and upload your photo! Paul Coughlin hosts a radio talk show in southern Oregon and is the author of No More Christian Nice Guy. Paul has been interviewed by C-SPAN, the New York Times, and numerous radio and television stations across the country. His articles have appeared in many publications, including New Man, Faithworks, and Ministries Today. He has also been editor of a weekly newspaper and a radio station program director. A former Christian Nice Guy, Paul is a happily married father. The Coughlin family lives in Medford, Oregon.
Jennifer D. Degler, PhD, is a licensed psychologist and life coach. A frequent speaker at women's events and marriage retreats, she also maintains a counseling practice, seeing adults, children, and couples for psychotherapy. She is a member of the American Association of Christian Counselors and the founder of Creating Christian Change, a life coaching enterprise that works with clients across the United States helping them to create lives they love. She has been interviewed by the Lexington Herald-Leader and local NBC and CBS affiliates as an expert in life coaching and mental health issues. Jennifer and her husband, Jeff, live in Lexington, Kentucky, with their two teenage children.

Paul Coughlin currently resides in Medford, in the state of Oregon.

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Product Categories

1Books > Subjects > Religion & Spirituality > Christianity > Christian Living > General
3Books > Subjects > Religion & Spirituality > Christianity > Christian Living > Mens Issues

Christian Product Categories
Books > Christian Living > Practical Life > Men

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Reviews - What do customers think about No More Christian Nice Guy: When Being Nice--Instead of Good--Hurts Men, Women and Children?

Great dissappointment  May 11, 2010
Perhaps my expecations for this book were too high, but I was very disappointed in this book. The author has a warped defeition of what is is to be nice and considers any form of niceness to be a flaw.
If you're going to destroy "nice", you'd better define "good".  Sep 17, 2009
I'm a woman. I read the book, because my husband asked me to.

I think, for the most part, that it's a large, steaming pile of hooey.

No, women don't want "nice" men. We want "responsible" men. When women say that a woman left a guy because he was "too nice", that's more code for "he promised things to other people that brought more work to and/or took things away from his wife" than "he was too nice to HER". What Mr. Coughlin fails to realize is that more is asked of women in this day and age than ever before, and many men don't "get it". We need men who realize that we're exhausted and overworked between cleaning the house, cooking their dinners, raising their children, AND working to contribute to the household budget. We're not withholding sex because you're "too nice", we're just EXHAUSTED. More demands for it because it's the "husband's right" regardless of whether he's holding up his end of the marriage is just going to make us feel more unloved, bitter, and frustrated than we already are. Yeah, it's great to tell men they have great power, and I agree with that to some extent, but just like in Spiderman, you also need to point out that with that comes great responsibility, not just the "right" to demand more from their already-overworked wives. Perhaps the first step should be aspiring for enough manliness to keep promises, like the one to cherish. I find it utterly astonishing that he blames the "Nice Guy" syndrome for both higher marital satisfaction in women (apparently to the detriment of men) AND higher divorce rates initiated by women. How exactly does that work?

Women, if your husband is already a responsible and fair person and he just needs a little more spine, let him read this book. If you see him reading it when he's already leaving his socks on the floor and messing around with his computer with headphones on, apparently oblivious to the fact that you're trying to simultaneously cook dinner, comfort a screaming infant, and help a toddler in her efforts to go potty... BURN IT.

If I see an uptick in evangelical divorces in the near future, I'll be sure to come back and congratulate you on book sales.
Therapy for the Author  Jun 30, 2009
The Men's Bible Study I am in selected this book after a thrilling study of John Eldredge's "Waking the Dead: The Glory of a Heart Fully Alive" (which was an AWESOME book). We only made it about 3 chapters into this book and decided to skip it for something else.

This is not a bad book; it simply wasn't for us. I agree with the author that the "boldness" of Jesus Christ is a very important aspect of His character that society has watered down.

Very few of the men in my group were able to find common ground in this book: see ourselves in or relate with any of the situations. I found myself saying, "This would be helpful to know if I found myself talking to someone that has been abused, hurt, in need of therapy, etc. I'd be able to know where they're coming from."

That's when it hit me: writing this book is probably very therapeutic for the author! In reading some of the author's examples, some of them personal accounts, it seemed like writing is would have been a therapy session for the author himself. If a reader had similar life experiences, they could find help in this book. For myself and the men of my group, we didn't really find much.

Sorry, Mr. Coughlin, for the not so great review... or is that too "nice" for me to say?
Incredible Book  Mar 18, 2009
As a director for Men's Ministry I found this book to be super charged with energy and presented in language to which men can relate. If men would read this they can understand the Christian Faith is designed for men of action. To many people "faith" is a noun, however Paul Coughlin clearly presents faith as a verb. This book is added to my list of books that motivate, challenge and encourage me, as a Christian "Man". I recommend this book to everyone who knows a man who is turned off (or cooled off) with the Biblical message presented by the modern church. I am now a Paul Coughlin fan!
Help for those with a weak view of masculinity  Feb 22, 2009
The book 'No More Christian Nice Guy' sounded like a great title, with chapters like "Childhood, where we learned to live small", "We're Men, not Eunuchs", "God: Lion or Cocker Spaniel". But the more I read, the more I found it hard to identify with either the problem or the solution. About half-way through the reason for this became clear, when the author discussed how his mother had abused him both physically and emotionally.

Coughlin's book may be of tremendous value to those who suffer from what he refers to as a "Christian Nice Guy" syndrome, whose background has left them with an anemic view of masculinity, or who think that to be a good Christian is to be a doormat. He does an excellent job of dispelling the myth that Jesus was weak, and the wrong view of meekness. This alone earns the book a pair of stars.

In general though, the book leans far too much into trying to turn this kind of 'nice guy' into someone who embraces outrage. While I wouldn't say the book is unbiblical (it makes a number of excellent points), it does seem to draw as much from culture and psychology as from scripture. For example, here's his definition: "Biblical masculinity is guys doing what God wants guys to do, and doing it in line with their true identity..." Can't argue with that, but it defines nothing. Another example, in the chapter on practical help, when he cherishes seeing his pastor (who is the mark of perfection in the pulpit) seethe in anger when he got stuck behind him in traffic. It made him "instantly more comfortable in his own skin". Rather than addressing the pastor's inauthentic hypocrisy, his focus is more on how seeing other people fail makes him feel.

While I couldn't recommend this as the "one men's book you want to read", it does provides valuable lessons for those who think Christianity is for wimps or for those men who suffer when they consider their own masculinity.

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