Item description for Overcoming Jealousy and Possessiveness by Paula Hauck & Paul A. Hauck...
Overview Explains the causes of jealousy, indicates the point at which it becomes a dangerous obsession, and gives advice on coping with unreasonable possessiveness
Psychotherapist Paul Hauck, whose popular books have brought help and advice to countless readers, now shows how jealousy and possessiveness--often the most tragic emotions--can be overcome. Applying the principles of Rational Emotive Therapy (RET), Hauck demonstrates how jealousy is a learned emotion and can be unlearned once you understand why you are jealous and begin to think in new ways about yourself and others.
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Studio: Westminster John Knox Press
Est. Packaging Dimensions: Length: 7.41" Width: 4.9" Height: 0.45" Weight: 0.35 lbs.
Release Date Jan 1, 1981
Publisher Westminster John Knox Press
ISBN 0664243746 ISBN13 9780664243746
Reviews - What do customers think about Overcoming Jealousy and Possessiveness?
Not what I expected! Dec 13, 2007
I just gave this book two stars becuase I didn't feel it didn't do much for me. Even more after I came back to read more reviews! If you are looking for a book that will actually give you solutions on how to change your mild Jelous behavior this is not it!
I have had experiences that made me an insecure, semi-posesive jelous person. I started a new relationship in "not so good circumstances", everything seemed to be going well a few months into the r/ship until I found out that my honey " had an online profile" when we were supposed to be "exclusive". I never found evidence of "actual meetings", but the outcome was devastating as expected! The behavior made things only worse and got me emotioanlly weak and very depressed, but being that I came into the relationship with insecurities from the past I realized I was part of the problem too. My partner deleted the profile and has tried very hard to help me gain the trust back, make me feel comfortable and show me genuine love,understanding an compassion. Therefore, we decided to give it a chance, then another "yes you read it right" and even then I stayed! Now, this is the first book I read regarding my Jelous behavior and I can say that despite the efforts of; reading it over and over, trying to understand the core of the message it has done very little for me. That doesn't mean it wont work for you! I was looking for a book that gave me "alternatives" or some sort of insight on "How to change that behavior" not focus on why it happens or how the non-jelous mate should act. On a positive note,I did learn and actually had the courage to tell my partner to "avoid falling" for the questioning loop when I doubt. In my humble opinion OJ&P focuses on sample situations from the writers practice as a Therapist which "made me put myself in some of his patients' shoes" and ocassionally say: humm I could actually change that. The bottom line is that I expected more from the book, but that is my opinion.
PS: I disagree with one of his statements in my own words: Your partner could be making love to someone else in front of you and YOU SHOULDN'T GET JELOUS". I interpret this as: Yes I am the owner of my emotions and noone else can control that but me. Nothing can affect how I feel right now unless I allow someone to do that. However, I feel that any human being with a heartbeat will react to seeing your loved one making love to someone else. Good luck and you make your own conclusions.
Knowledge Seeker, NY
Eye-opening Nov 27, 2007
This book points out many things to help one get over or get a basic understanding of jealousy and possessiveness, how to deal with it, recognize it, and tools for understanding how to get over it. GREAT READ and GREAT REFERENCE!
Judgemental, unprofessional self-dishelp book Nov 24, 2006
I purchased this book with the expectation that it would provide some useful insights into my mildly jealous behavior and obsessive thoughts. However, I found it to be written in an entirely judgemental, demeaning way toward the jealous person. It does not help the self-doubt and inferiority of the jealous person. Rather, it belittles him/her through Mr. Hauck's condescending and inconsiderate language.
While I am not one to proclaim the virtues of political correctness, I found this self-help book to be judgemental in a way that self-help books should not be. Self-help books should treat its readers as respectful individuals with a problem that they earnestly want to change on their own or as a supplement to therapy.
One striking example of how Mr. Hauck's book does the polar opposite to this is his statement about jealous persons' self-defeating behavior early on in the book. Jealous persons' behavior is described as "retarded": "One of the most amazing characteristics of jealous and possessive persons is that they are psychologically blind. Yet these people are often bright, sophisticated, and beautiful. They are capable and outstanding in many areas of their lives. But when it comes to their loved ones, the jealous individuals actually act as though they were retarded" (pp. 19-20). How can jealous persons achieve any headway in their regaining positive self-worth when they are described as "retarded"?
Usually, self-help books have a positive disclaimer indicating that there is no right or wrong interpretation of a situation or a "correct" way of handling a situation. However, Hauck's book is actually dictatorial.
If you do decide to purchase this book, please do so with a very large grain of salt. The language Mr. Hauck uses does not promote the process of achieving positive self-worth of jealous persons, which is ultimately one of the keys to overcoming jealousy.
Good book Nov 10, 2006
This book actually helped me some in thinking about things differently. My husband has noticed a difference.
Both my son and I loved this book Aug 21, 2006
My 19 year old son came to me complaining of his jealous behavior towards his girl friend so I bought several books for him which I read too. This one was a real winner and we both found it understandable and well explained and easy to relate to. The examples are plausable and the person trying to understand and change his jealous behavior can appreciate what the victim of jealousy feels like. My son easily grasped that his feelings had more to do with his insecurities than with his girl friend's behaviors. Only time will tell how he can truly integrate these lessons, but I was very encouraged talking to him about this book and how well he liked it.
We also bought "Overcoming Jealousy " by Wendy Dryden. It was immersed in psychological mumbo-jumbo "ABCDEFG" steps which were unnecessary and confusing to the real meat of the book, which was for me helpful. It could have been better done in my opinion, and we will see if my son can get past the first chapter and a half to the real stuff. Good luck to other folks dealing with this toxic emotional habit.