Item description for The Manipulative Child: How to Regain Control and Raise Resilient, Resourceful, and Independent Kids by Ernest W. Swihart & Patrick Cotter...
Overview A pediatrician and a child psychologist who have collaborated for nearly 25 years offer their groundbreaking and clinically proven program for blocking manipulative behavior and getting children back on track.
Publishers Description Why do so many of our kids--raised in the most affluent nation on earth--fail to thrive and strive and enter adulthood lacking appropriate and effective coping skills? Drs. Swihart and Cotter have come up with a revolutionary theory on why our kids are having such a tough time of it today: It is because we allow our children to manipulate us, and the world around them, rather than teaching them how to respond to life and life's tough situations. The result is that manipulative behavior is directly tied to low self-esteem, which only heightens its negative impact on kids, families, and the larger communities we live in. The good news is that Drs. Swihart and Cotter have created a radical and clinically proven program for breaking manipulative behavior and getting our kids back on track. The program teaches parents to say no without feeling guilt; to resist the urge to feel responsible for their child's happiness; to view their children as emotionally competent and resilient; and most importantly, to realize that effective parenting means allowing your child to make mistakes and develop a sense of competence, which leads to enhanced self-esteem and an ability to live independently and successfully in the real world.
Drawing on their twenty-five years in private practice, the authors illustrate their program with examples of successful kids, as well as case studies of how parents have regained control and effectively blocked their children's manipulative behavior. The positive results will enlighten, and even astound you, and give you the tools needed to become a better parent.
Citations And Professional Reviews The Manipulative Child: How to Regain Control and Raise Resilient, Resourceful, and Independent Kids by Ernest W. Swihart & Patrick Cotter has been reviewed by professional book reviewers and journalists at the following establishments -
Booklist - 03/15/1998 page 1190
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Est. Packaging Dimensions: Length: 8.3" Width: 5.28" Height: 0.76" Weight: 0.55 lbs.
Release Date Mar 2, 1998
ISBN 0553379496 ISBN13 9780553379495
Reviews - What do customers think about The Manipulative Child: How to Regain Control and Raise Resilient, Resourceful, and Independent Kids?
The Manipulative Child May 21, 2008
This is an excellent book for anyone working toward raising a child to be an effective, responsible person. Not only does it put manipulation into a cultural context, but it also speaks to the need to develop values and personal responsibility in children and adolescents. The authors do a great job of analyzing motives and weaknesses and they also offer practical advice on how to accomplish the goal of raising your children to be effective adults.
Not for the Weak or Close Minded Mentors Nov 13, 2006
Where to begin?! My head is spinning with the amount of information and introspection this book provides. If you enjoy the payoffs of getting to the root of issues, this book is for you. The payoffs are sometimes right there and simple to achieve and some may require more persistence. If you prefer a life with little growth, confrontation and self awareness then keep watching tv, eating drive-thru fast food and most of all, forget this book.
Nothing worth while is ever easy, but the work done to get great results shows you that you're strong enough to stick it through. When you crack this book open, its a bit like opening Pandora's Box. You will find that each member of the family plays into the behavior we're trying to stop (avoid). If you can't take a bit of self-criticism, you'll miss valuable clues into the drama at hand. The book is not direct in the sense that it openly says 'parents are idiots and do everything wrong', but speaks to us in a gentler way by describing how our being manipulated serves something within ourselves as well.
So, as much as we would like to focus on the child (which this book does), we also need to run a parallel thought process on the hand -we- play.
There are 'assignments' provided which invite you to delve deeper and become better at identifying what you've just learned. It also provides clear information to resolving manipulation behavior and its fallout.
Its refreshing to read a book with such emphasis on self responsibility and integrity. I'm so happy I ordered this book, I think lessons learned will bleed over into other aspects of my life and allow me to improve at parenting and myself! Time to stand up and be the parents our children need us to be!
Book is definitely become my parenting guide. Nov 2, 2006
Another reviewer commented that this isn't for every kid because some kids aren't the same "The book does not addresss children who do not fit into the box". I think he's wrong- I have one of those impossible kids that tests EVERY thing you say and has skillfully found every weak point in our parenting styles and is so energetic that he doesn't stop ALL day long. The authors are dead-on- and the solution is easy but takes lots of consistent effort and time (and cooperative parents). This book has been an eye-opener for how much manipulation takes place on the part of us as parents and how my child learned to out-manipulate us to get out of doing things, for example: "I'm too scare to walk upstairs by myself to brush my teeth", etc. We basically train our kids to get what they want because we often are at a loss (and afraid/tired of dealing with their outbursts) of how to consistently set limits (do we send our kids to time-out, spank, or make reward charts, etc). These authors point out these are all methods of manipulation that just teach our kids to out-manipulate us, the behavior returning once the "reward/punishment" is gone. In three days I have been at "war" with my son- constantly on him to do what I ask- using the stop, pause, redirect method. By day 2 I asked him to please go upstairs and brush his teeth- inside I was weary and afraid he would say no- but you know what happened? He says, ok mommy- and walked right up the stairs without a word of how scared he is. My job was to acknowledge his accomplishment as if it was expected of him "good job, you did it"... whewww, I am so happy to finally feel like I can do something about his behavior that has really affected the happiness of our family - and child! good luck, and please try this out! I recommend this book because it works!
Great advice, bad title Nov 1, 2006
A better title for this book might be "The Anxious, Overly Reactive and Overly Involved Parent: How to Regain Control of Yourself and Raise Resilient, Resourceful, and Independent Kids," but that title is probably even more off-putting than the real one. The advice and methods are straight forward, uncomplicated, and just common sense. Most of the best teachers and parents I know use something very like stop/pause/redirect to teach their students and children to manage themselves.
To those reviewers who complain that the book is padded with too many examples, I think most readers want examples in parenting books because they provide a framework for applying the parenting advice. The most difficult thing about stop/pause/redirect is that it requires time and patience, and the authors do caution parents not to try it unless they can commit themselves to making the time (and managing their own behavior well enough) to be consistent.
Simply the best parenting book I have read Jun 4, 2006
You can analyze and criticize this book but proof is in the pudding. I followed the principles taught in this book and with some follow through and commitment, it worked! This is not a light weight "how to" book. It is about principles, honesty and self responsibility and how to pass those values on to your child. The title of the book doesn't do it justice. As one of the previous reviewers suggested, it could be titled "Guide to Non-Manipulative Parenting".