Item description for Don't Call It Love: Recovery From Sexual Addiction by Patrick Carnes...
Overview Describes a variety of unhealthy sexual practices that resemble addictions to substances in their effects, and proposes a program for recovery
Publishers Description "Dr. Patrick Carnes is a creative, pioneering, and courageous human being. His books are changing the lives of thousands " "I lost three marriages, all because of affairs." "I became suicidal because of multiple intense involvements." "I spent money on sex when I needed it for children's clothes." "I lost promotion opportunities and a special scholarship because my co-workers found out about my sex life." Every day they face the possibility of destruction, risking their families, fiances, jobs, dignity, and health. They come from all walks of life: ministers, physicians, therapists, politicians, executives, blue-collar workers. Most were abused as children--sexually, physically or emotionally--and saw addictive behavior in their early lives. Most grapple with other addictions as well, but their fiercest battle is with the most astounding prevalent "secret" disorder in America: sexual addiction. Here is a ground-breaking work by the nation's leading professional expert on sexual addiction, based on the candid testimony of more than one thousand recovering sexual addicts in the first major scientific study of the disorder. This essential volume includes not only the revealing findings of Dr. Carne's research with recovering addicts but also advice from the addicts and co-addicts themselves as they work to overcome their compulsive behavior. Positive, hopeful, and practical, "Don't Call It Love" is a landmark book that helps us better understand all addictions, their causes, and the difficult path to recovery.
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Est. Packaging Dimensions: Length: 8.25" Width: 5.3" Height: 1.01" Weight: 0.95 lbs.
Release Date Apr 1, 1992
ISBN 0553351389 ISBN13 9780553351385
Availability 0 units.
More About Patrick Carnes
Patrick Carnes: Dr. Patrick J. Carnes is a internationally known speaker on addiction and recovery issues. He is currently Senior Fellow and the director of the Gentle Path Program at the Meadows in Wickenburg, AZ. He is author of "Out of the Shadows: Understanding Sexual Addiction" (1992), "Contrary to Love: Helping the Sexual Addict" (1989), "The Betrayal Bond: Breaking Free of Exploitive Relationships" (1997), "Open Hearts" (1999), "Facing the Shadow" (2001), "In the Shadows of the Net" (2001), and "Clinical Management of Sex Addiction "(2002).
Patrick Carnes has an academic affiliation as follows - The Meadows in Wickenburg Arizona USA.
Reviews - What do customers think about Don't Call It Love: Recovery From Sexual Addiction?
Don't Call It Love Apr 20, 2008
Excellent book. I felt so alone and didn't know where to turn. This book helped me see that others are stuggling with the same behaviors that I am. Behaviors that may have endagered my life, but that I am at least able to stop now. Hopefully I'll live through this and become a better person. The person that I believe God wants me to be.
5 stars best review. Mar 2, 2008
Key strategy- work to FINISH THINGS! Addicts do not finish things,ENDING THINGS (projects,relationships) adds substantially to recovery. They prefer to "keep options open." Thrives in unfinished business. Starting more than they can finish leads to a comfortable CRISIS. Addicts avoid completing their conversations; important feelings and facts are not communicated. Conflicts not resolved/ PAIN ACCUMULATES. Increase PAIN AND COST/ TO STOP the addictions. In childhood they (addict) needed something didn't receive- trust, security, safety, non-sexual affection, both parents together? A since of normalcy (what they would feel in life in a committed relationship. (Need trust mot to worry, to simply live life normally) THEY HAVE A RESPONSIBILITY TO THOSE YOU HAVE HURT. THIER NEGATIVE EMOTIONS ARE TRANSFERRED TO CHILDREN AROUND THEM. Addictive sex feels shameful, illicit, stolen, exploitive, and joyless. Healthy sex = adds to self-esteem, is mutual, intimate, fun, and playful. Fighting (disagreeing)= act of trust / focus on issues. Give the outcome to God. Horniness = loneliness. When in doubt, don't have sex. Secrets will separate you from others in recovery. Get a pet to have healthy touching needs met. Avoid the feeling that you are a victim (having control over your body, thoughts, opinions, and feelings that you think someone in authority wouldn't approve of you having. You have to answer only to yourself. Be gentle w/ yourself about old tortuous conflicts. They are not about you. They never were! You are safe with your thoughts; they are yours. Recovery = burst of creativity, brings awareness of abuse. NURTURING- Learning how to care for themselves and to allow others to care for them IS an essential RECOVERY TASK. Intimacy = shared enjoyable experiences! FIDELITY TO YOURSELF is the ultimate act of faithfulness to the other. Trust yourself. It's as hard for your partner as it is for you! Admit mistakes. Share Spirituality. Have fun together = common experiences. Sustain from sex w/o intimacy. Talk before, during, and after sex. Compliment your partner. Respect boundaries. Pay attention to feelings. See sex as a legitimate joy! Take care of your body. Express attraction. Work on friendship and companionship. Fast-forward the realtionship so you will know it will be even better in the future.
Amazingly and painfully insightful Jul 15, 2007
I had already read Out of the Shadows by Patrick Carnes but Don't Call it Love was even more a amazing. It was painful to read trying to understand the sex addicts torment as well as the co-addicts. But on the other hand it was also refreshing to know that there is life after sex addiction and recovery is not only possible but necessary. I would recommend this book to anyone in recovery, it has helped me immensely.
My husband's secret revealed..I needed answers..I found them here!! Jun 5, 2006
Easily, I could say that Patrick Carne's books on sexual addiction has saved my marriage and my husband's life and maybe my own as well. My first read was "Out of the Shadows" and it softened my angry heart after hearing my husbands confession of being with around 100 women over the past 5 years of our 17 year marriage and all sexual encounters were UNPROTECTED sex. I found out the hard way. How could all these powerful, crippling emotions that I was feeling be tamed?? How could I ever forgive this scrum of the earth!! READ this book and you can do the impossible!! It answers my questions without having to continually confront my husband with the aweful thoughts of how he could be such a hypocrite all our married years!! What was he doing? Is he comparing me to his many different women when we had sex? Will he do it again? Will he always lie?? Is he really a good person deep down?? etc. All the questions have been answered and then some and I saw my own behaviors make the situation even worse without my knowing. I was a coaddict and codependent at different times. In only 4 months of my recovery and 18 months of his recovery we are happier than I ever thought possible!! This book takes you step by step as to what you can expect with building a healthy relationship with a recovering sex addict!! It is very detailed and gives advice from recovering addicts! It speaks in easy to understand language. It recognizes problems that can arise and gives you answers as to what to do if they happen to you!! This was my fifth book on looking for answers to sexual addiction..Out of the Shadows was first, Secret Wars..second..Love, Sex and Infidelity, His Needs/Her Needs, and finally, with MUCH relief to my quest..DON'T CALL IT LOVE!! AFter reading this book I don't feel the need to read anymore on the subject of sexual addiction. I have more hope than I ever thought possible. The communication, Openess and honesty are first and foremost in reestablishing our relationship that was always crippled from the start of our marriage because he thought getting married would fix his problem!! It doesn't! It affects everyone around you and even the children! If you are a sex addict or spouse, family member, friend, etc. of a sex addict..READ this book!! You will not be disappointed at all!! No book has done such a good job at laying it all out there and still keep it in healthy context for anyone to read! I saw my whole marriage and all the frustration of it take shape and form and how it brought out the worst in each of us..Now it is bringing out the very best in us with the 12 step program and this book!! Patience and understanding is most helpful and if you don't have it now you will get it from this book!! Good Luck to you and God Bless!!
As an Addiction Therapist I recommend this book to all of my clients seeking recovery from addiction to sex Apr 14, 2006
Carnes can be readily credited for leading the way in developing a sound understanding of sex addiction and importantly, the treatment of this. By presenting sexually destructive behaviour within the paradigm of "addiction", Carnes has succesfully created a "problem to solution" model which offers a way out of sexually addictive behaviour. In "Don't Call it Love" Carnes offers a plan for living and a route out of this powerfully compelling condition. He manages to present a readable and coherent guide, outlining the multiple dimensions of both sex addiction and recovery from this. In his usual realisitic and compassionate style, this book makes it clear that the process of abstinence and recovery is concerned with helping "Good people get well" rather than helping "Bad people be good". Fundamentally, this book offers a clear message of hope to any person affected by sex addiction that recovery is indeed possible and importantly - enjoyable !!