Item description for The Intimacy Cover-Up: Uncovering the Difference Between Love and Sex by P. Roger Hillerstrom & Karlyn Hillerstrom...
Overview Television shows promote it, Hollywood glamorizes it, parents ignore it, and churches tolerate it. "It" is sex. And you don't need the stats on who's doing it to know that it's everywhere. Our culture says sex is love and love means sex. If you aren't in on the action, you're missing out. But this view is really just a cover-up of the truth-sex before marriage opens you up to a lot of pain. And we're not just talking about STDs. We're talking about self-worth, trust, communication and resentment now, and your emotional and sexual relationship with your spouse in the future. Written from an informed and practical perspective, The Intimacy Cover-Up is a biblical approach to sex, intimacy, love, and marriage by a family therapist and his twenty-something daughter. It's time to get God's perspective on sex-instead of a culture's blind allegiance to the lie.
There can be virtually no argument that all teens (including Christians) need a rational, relational, non-judgmental resource regarding pre-marital sexual abstinence. This book provides just that. It confronts the sexual myths set out by our society and proves them false and yet minimizes the predictable defensive reactions of the young adult readers.
"I would like to highly recommend Roger to you as a professional, committed, Christian therapist and as a gifted teacher." --H. Norman Wright Non-threatening, yet solidly biblicalAddresses the myths told by the cultureAuthor speaks regularly across the worldAn earlier version of this book is used by Focus on the Family as a regular book for the telephone counseling ministry
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More About P. Roger Hillerstrom & Karlyn Hillerstrom
P. Roger Hillerstrom is a marriage and family therapist with Heritage Counseling Associates in the Seattle, Washington area. He holds professional degrees in psychology from Bethel College in St. Paul, Minn. and in family therapy from Biola University in La Mirada, Calif. He has nearly two decades of experience in premarital preparation and marriage enrichment.
Reviews - What do customers think about Intimacy Cover Up: Uncovering the Difference Between Love and Sex?
I wish I had read this book before I got married... Aug 24, 2004
If you are one of those so-called free thinkers who is not willing to consider the validity of the Christian perspective on this issue, don't waste your money. You will just be annoyed and won't learn anything. But if you are truly open minded enough to consider that Biblical restrictions on sex are in humanity's best interest rather than the punitive actions of a Cosmic Party-Pooper, this is one of the best books I have ever read on this subject, and one I wish had been available to me 30 years ago before I was sexually active.
My husband and I married in our thirties. We were not Christians in our youth, and everything that implies. So we were a little smug when it was suggested to us that we should receive some counseling in the area of sex before our wedding. It wasn't long after we were married that we discovered that everything we thought we knew about sex and love was wrong. In fact, it only took a couple of weeks. Moreover, it continued to be an issue throughout our marriage. We found out through the school of hard knocks why God strongly prefers that we confine sexual relations to marriage. Both spiritual reasons and "practical" reasons to avoid premarital sex are explored in this book, and I can confidently testify that the authors have told it like it is.
If, by some miracle, you are the sort of person who can learn from someone else's mistakes and do not have to plunge headlong into your own disaster to discover that God's Word is still true in this area, you will save yourself considerable heartache if you will read this book FIRST. But chances are, if you are a young person you will not fall into that category. Parents, read this book and get it into the hands of your Christian teens BEFORE they have a chance to stumble. You might be surprised to learn how susceptible YOUR well-mannered, godly, soul-winning teen is to the siren song of the world.
Christian propaganda... May 11, 2004
I was very disappointed by the author of this book, who uses the excuse of the difference between sex and love to make a propaganda for forbidding sex before marriage, for forbidding cohabitation before marriage. The difference between love and sex is essential (I would refer to Patrick Carnes and Charlotte Kasl), but it should not be the ground for rigid intrusiveness of the religion. Yes it is important to learn that sex is not love, yes it is important to reconnect spirituality with sexuality but no it does not mean that sex before marriage is wrong (regardless of marriage or not, sex should not be the foundation of a relationship).
I was particularly shocked when the author used statistics to show his point of view about (against) cohabitation. The author mistakes a successful (sexual) relationship with a lasting marriage (w/o divorce). I know so many cases of couples who never divorced, but which I would never consider as successful (physically or emotionally abused partners, etc.).
The author confuses commitment with the life of a love. I would invite the author to read Jacques Salome's books, where Jacques Salome describes that a love has a life (a birth but also an end), and as people changes through life, through experiences, it does not make any sense to be stuck in a commitment when the commitment no longer makes sense. It is not a way to escape commitment, it is simply an open-minded view (unlike the author's rigid concepts) over the unexpected, over the miracles of life. Yes, a true intimacy but also a true self-love are the essential ingredients to a successful relationship. Like Karl Menninger wrote, sex is not wrong but how we value (or disqualify) sex which makes is constructive or destructive.
As a conclusion, please do not buy this book, please do not read this book. If you want to learn about the difference between sex and love, I strongly recommend you read "Women, sex and addiction" by Charlotte Kasl and "Out of the shadow" by Patrick Carnes.