Item description for Emotionally Intelligent Parenting: How to Raise a Self-Disciplined, Responsible, Socially Skilled Child by Maurice J. Elias, Steven E. Tobias & Brian S. Friedlander...
Overview Drawing on the same principles that inspired Emotional Intelligence, an insightful parenting guide presents a variety of practical, realistic suggestions to help youngsters develop such key qualities as cooperative work habits, selfawareness, and sympathy for others. Reprint. 15,000 first printing.
Publishers Description Have you, as a parent, ever found yourself treating your children in a way you would never tolerate from someone else? The authors of Emotionally Intelligent Parenting call for a new Golden Rule: Do unto your children as you would have other people do unto your children. And most important, they show us how to live by it. Based upon extensive research, firsthand experience, and case studies, Emotionally Intelligent Parenting breaks the mold of traditional parenting books by taking into account the strong role of emotions -- those of parents and children -- in psychological development. With this book, parents will learn how to communicate with children on a deeper, more gratifying level and how to help them successfully navigate the intricacies of relating to others. The authors take the five basic principles of Daniel Goleman's best-seller, Emotional Intelligence, and explain how they can be applied to successful parenting. To this end, the book offers suggestions, stories, dialogues, activities, and a special section of Sound EQ Parenting Bites to help parents use their emotions in the most constructive ways, focusing on such everyday issues as sibling rivalry, fights with friends, school situations, homework, and peer pressure. In the authors' extensive experience, children respond quickly to these strategies, their self-confidence is strengthened, their curiosity is piqued, and they learn to assert their independence while developing their ability to make responsible choices.
Maurice J. Elias, Ph.D., is a professor of psychology at Rutgers University, a member of the Leadership Team of the Collaborative for the Advancement of Social and Emotional Learning, a nationally recognized expert on child and parental problem-solving, and a writer and contributor to numerous professional publications and magazine and newspaper articles.
Steven E. Tobias, Psy.D., is director of the Center for Child and Family Development in Morris-town, New Jersey. He is an expert on issues of child development, social skills, and attention deficit/hyperactivity disorder. He consults to schools and conducts workshops for parents.
Brian S. Friedlander, Ph.D., is a software developer and school psychologist in New Jersey. His Interactive Course in Social Problem Solving, Student Conflict Manager, and Discipline Tracker software programs have helped numerous students and educators, as will his forthcoming book, Computers in Child Therapy. The Twenty-four-Karat Golden Rule: Why It Is Important to Build Self-Discipline, Responsibility, and Emotional Health in Children Do you know the Golden Rule? Most people do. Usually, it is quoted, "Do unto others as you would have others do unto you." We call this "the Fourteen-Karat Golden Rule." Why? Because there is a better one, one that reflects what we call Emotionally Intelligent Parenting: Do unto your children as you would have other people do unto your children.
We insist that others honor and respect our children, talk to them with courtesy and consideration, and not physically hurt them. How have you reacted when someone has dishonored your children in some way? Perhaps it was a teacher, or someone in a store, or the parent of another child. We are sure you were upset and asked, among other things, what they thought they were doing and how dare they do that. Yet a moment of honest reflection might reveal times when we have said and done things to our own children for which, if an outsider tried them, we would want them arrested and imprisoned.
The difference between the Fourteen- and Twenty-four-Karat Golden Rules is Emotionally Intelligent Parenting. The Twenty-four-Karat Rule requires us to know our feelings well, to take our child's perspective with empathy, to control our own impulses, to monitor carefully what we are doing as parents, to work in a dedicated way to improve our parenting, and to use social skill in carrying out ideas.
The Fourteen-Karat Rule is not strong enough to serve as a guide for parenting now. Times have changed. Life is hectic, complicated, exciting, challenging, and exhausting. We have ever-increasing information overload. The time is right for a new Golden Rule for parenting. We haven't had one since Benjamin Spock and Haim Ginott came on the scene--over three decades ago. It's time for a new paradigm for parenting, for a new century and millennium: Emotionally Intelligent Parenting.
What can Emotionally Intelligent Parenting do for your household? First, it will help bring about more peace with less stress. It is a way to restore a sense of balance when stress takes its toll and the kids start fighting, cooperation turns to conflict, your teenagers rebel, and members of the family get frustrated with everything that seems to need to be done immediately. Some stress can be motivating, but too much keeps us from being at our best. It is difficult for individuals under stress to do what, in calmer circumstances, they know is right.
It's a Difficult Time to Be a Parent--or a Child This is a very demanding time during which to be a parent. Maybe the only thing more difficult is to be a child. There are more influences than ever on children, and more sources of distraction. James Comer--a professor of child psychiatry at the Yale Child Study Center and the author of the books School Power and Waiting for a Miracle: Schools Can't Solve Our Problems, But We Can, and a leader in addressing the concerns of all youth, especially those in our urban centers--pointed out in a 1997 interview that never before in human history has there been so much information going directly to children that is unfiltered by adult caregivers. Cornell University child development specialist Uri Bronfenbrenner observed that we are in the age of hectic activity; we are busy planning how to get our kids to where they have to be next, to get ourselves where we have to be, rushing from one thing to another, wondering if all of our arrangements will work out. Put this all together and you have a parenting situation with all the calmness and order of the inside of a blender making a mixed fruit drink.
There is a profusion of parenting fads. And just about every idea that comes along gets cloned, usually without authenticity or any hope of delivering on promises made. The stress does not seem to diminish. Parents do not know where to turn. What we must not lose sight of, however, is that the basics of human biology, child rearing, and parent-child relationships have not changed. Daniel Goleman's international best-seller, Emotional Intelligence, makes the point that we have neglected the biology of our feelings as adults and as parents, and we have neglected the role of feelings in our children's healthy growth. We are now paying the price, as families and as a society, with a higher incidence of violence and disrespectful behavior. We are paying for it when we see seemingly sensible teenagers becoming parents, then getting rid of newborns as if they were unwanted supermarket purchases. We are paying when we emphasize the intellect of students but forget their hearts. And of course, our children pay as well, as their unhappiness and troubled behaviors continue to grow.
Let's Bring Emotional Intelligence to Everyday Parenting This book picks up where Daniel Goleman's book leaves off. In it, we intend to help parents understand why emotional intelligence is so important to the task of everyday parenting and creating household peace and harmony. We do this with authenticity, having worked with Daniel Goleman. In fact, the theory of emotional intelligence is based on decades of research and professional practice, including our own. In addition, as parents, we understand what parents go through. We know that Emotionally Intelligent Parenting must respect everyday parenting pressures and deal realistically with time. Parents' time is extremely valuable; they cannot afford to lose time and emotional energy to household turmoil, poor relationships with their kids, or kids who are out of control and lack responsibility, self-discipline, and the ability to separate what is genuinely in their interest from values dictated by peer pressure and the media.
Emotionally Intelligent Parenting uses specific, simple, important techniques that can make a major contribution to household peace and harmony. All these techniques have been developed from the authors' hands-on work with parents, families, and schools. The concept is founded on parents working with their own and their children's emotions in intelligent, constructive, positive, creative ways, respecting biological realities and the role of feelings in human nature. It draws its strength from small changes, repeated day after day, in our relationships with our children. Emotionally Intelligent Parenting is both a new paradigm for parenting and a highly realistic and practical approach to it. And a big part of Emotionally Intelligent Parenting is to remove a little stress and bring more fun into our families and our relationships with our children.
We Are Not Talking About Bad Parents or Bad Kids Some children are born with particularly difficult temperaments, while other children seem to acquire them through painful experiences in life. It is important to keep in mind that children do not want to be bad. A bad child is not happy, no matter how it may seem to the parents and others. A child who misbehaves is seeking, though unsuccessfully, to learn ways to be viable in the world, which means to learn self-discipline, responsibility, and social and emotional intelligence.
In this book we will not be talking about "bad" parents or "bad" kids, nor will we ever suggest that you should feel guilt for being an inadequate parent, or blame your spouse or society or the child. Instead, we plan to teach you how to build concrete skills. Learning new parenting skills and teaching new emotional and social skills to your child--the skills of emotional intelligence--can be exciting, because it can improve the quality of life in your household and better prepare your children for the future. And, even though we are not blaming anyone, we are placing the responsibility for doing something about it on parents. To be a parent means to take responsibility for acting as a household leader, for helping children grow up to be emotionally intelligent. It is up to parents to use and to teach the skills that will enable children to achieve the goals parents have set for them.
Citations And Professional Reviews Emotionally Intelligent Parenting: How to Raise a Self-Disciplined, Responsible, Socially Skilled Child by Maurice J. Elias, Steven E. Tobias & Brian S. Friedlander has been reviewed by professional book reviewers and journalists at the following establishments -
Wilson Public Library Catalog - 12/31/2008 page 594
Wilson Public Library Catalog - 01/01/2004 page 451
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Studio: Three Rivers Press
Est. Packaging Dimensions: Length: 8" Width: 5.2" Height: 0.6" Weight: 0.5 lbs.
Release Date Mar 7, 2000
Publisher Three Rivers Press
ISBN 0609804839 ISBN13 9780609804834
Availability 0 units.
More About Maurice J. Elias, Steven E. Tobias & Brian S. Friedlander
Maurice J. Elias, Ph.D., is a professor of psychology at Rutgers University, a member of the Leadership Team of the Collaborative for the Advancement of Social and Emotional Learning, a nationally recognized expert on child and parental problem-solving, and a writer and contributor to numerous professional publications and magazine and newspaper articles. Steven E. Tobias, Psy.D., is director of the Center for Child and Family Development in Morris-town, New Jersey. He is an expert on issues of child development, social skills, and attention deficit/hyperactivity disorder. He consults to schools and conducts workshops for parents. Brian S. Friedlander, Ph.D., is a software developer and school psychologist in New Jersey. His Interactive Course in Social Problem Solving, Student Conflict Manager, and Discipline Tracker software programs have helped numerous students and educators, as will his forthcoming book, Computers in Child Therapy.
Maurice J. Elias currently resides in the state of New Jersey. Maurice J. Elias has an academic affiliation as follows - Collaborative for Academic Social and Emotional Learning (Casel) Rutge.
Reviews - What do customers think about Emotionally Intelligent Parenting: How to Raise a Self-Disciplined, Responsible, Socially Skilled Child?
Rather boring Jun 2, 2006
I enjoyed reading Golemann Emotional Intelligence and I like children, but in my opinion this book is very boring.
Caring and calm while rasinging your child Jan 18, 2006
When you are sad would you prefer someone to tell you to "get over it" or a hug? When feeling shy would you prefer someone to give you a shove and say "just do it already" or words of encouragment?? Children are people with feelings and this book is a great way to help parents and children recognise and express their feelings. This is a great book if you want to bring your family closer together or if oyur family was close but as your child grows it seems to be sliping away. This book has a lot of ideas but isn't a step by step 'do exactly what we say' guide but more an outline with ideas thrown in, and room to breath and make your own parenting choices.
A reader will keep in mind this book is generally geared for parents with OLDER kids. Though there is a few good ideas for toddlers it is mostly geared for children 7 and up, they also cover (on every subject) ideas to deal with children who are difficult or will not comply.
The best part of the book was that it contantly reminds parents of the childs view point, which to many parents forget! This book covers many different areas, starting out with self control for the parent. The books focuses through out on ways for parents to control their temper and not yell at their children!! (unless its an absolute emergency)
It goes into the usefullness of humor in a situation and helps parents relax and bring a little bit of fun and joy into the family.
Then it goes into ideas on how to improve communtication in a family, bring everyone together, let everyones opinion be heard, and get children to help out around the house without constant nagging. I especially liked the idea of a family journal!!! Then it goes into different techniques and ideas to help a child make dicissions and learn from consequences (in safe situations), ideas a child can follow to help themselves calm down, and then travels into a "last resort" technique which they call "chill out".
Its known by many (but obviously not all) that time out was designed to give a child a way to CALM THEMSELVES DOWN, NOT AS PUNISHMENT!!! Studies have proven time outs just don't work for children because they are implemented WRONG. This book goes back to the understanding that you aren't trying to punish your child but remove them from a situation until they can control themselves. They re-word it as "chill out" instead of time out because time out has become so twisted by parents today, using it as a threat for every bad behavior.
It also has sections to help children set goals, get through their homework and the best ways to have a talk with your child.
I have seen the main review full of complaints I feel REALLY sorry that this review is the main review as she sounds like that parent who doesn't have a close family. She sounds like someone who needs to LIGHTEN UP, and LOVE. Its amazing how parents can twist something around just because they disagree with what it is saying so I am going to comment a bit more on her badley done review as it doesn't accuratly state what this books does, as she rewords it and leaves out parts. 1: yes this book covers diciple-which means TO TEACH, it doesn't cover punishment however which is why its so wonderful. 2:touchy feely stuff can be wonderful- I love to hug my kids, I love to know how they are feeling, I love to go on family outings or sit around as a family and play games, thats part of what a family is about! 3: the book does not recommend restraining a PRESCHOOLER. It states that time out is best when used for children 5-12 years of age, and that sometimes children who will not stay in time out need to be placed back in time out until they stay OR GENTLY held there until they do. It does recommend that for unacceptable behavior, to put a child in "chill out" with only one warning however, this book is geared for older children. I feel REALLY sorry for any parent who lets their 8 year old child have more then one warning for hitting someone, or who has to repeat something to a 9 year old 6 or 7 times. 4: "there are 9 pages dedicated to jokes." There is a chapter dedicated to HUMOR and how important it is in a family. It does have some pages full of jokes, while they may not have been NEEDED they were fun, and a great way to remind parents how important humor can be.
This passing xmas my 3 year old son recieved a cute little snowman full of liquid bath soap. He grabbed it and squeezed it and it popped, squirting out all over the carpet. Inside I was screaming "AHHHHHHHH WHAT ARE YOU DOING" but immedietly my mom burst out laughing. I just couldn't help but laughing too. It was pretty funny and it gave me a second to calm down and realize it was an accident and how easy soap is to clean up out of the carpet (in fact it probably cleaned my carpet.) and finally 5: "psychobabble where plain English would have sufficed" as for that I simply say perhaps your next book you purchase on this site should be a dictionary or "How English Works"
The only thing I would say about this book is that the forward is boring. For familys who want to be close together, for parents who want to teach their child how to behave without threats or yelling this book is for you. For parents who sit on the floor and play with their kid, or ask them how their day at school was (and are REALLY interested in knowing) then this book is for you.
If your a parent who understands that children have feelings and opinions, If you can think for yourself and want children who can to pick this book up, it is a good read!
A very good book Sep 15, 1999
The authors of this book take a very interesting look at the subject of parenting. I think that this is a very big issue because of the recent past events; such as the Colorado shooting, and others. I believe it is important to enforce good behavior at a young age to help prevent later violent events. This book is a excellent tool to accompish this goal.
Some good info, but overall, yuck! Jul 23, 1999
Any book that recommends restraining a preschooler to keep him in time out and removing privileges for a school-age child (privileges such as going outside -- hmm, my parents called that grounding) needs help. This book claims to teach emotionally intelligent parenting but it's a mess: old-fashioned parentally-imposed discipline mixed with some touchy-feely stuff. For example, "If a child does not comply with a command, repeat the command once with a warning, then place her in Chill Out if she does not comply." (pg.103) So where does the self-discipline part come in?
The book is also fluffy -- nine pages dedicated to specific jokes is overkill in a parenting book. If I wanted to read jokes, I'd get 'em on the Internet. And it was filled with psychobabble where plain English would have sufficed -- phrases as "material reinforcer" (also known as a reward) and "developmental adaptation" (changing as you grow.)
I was deeply disappointed in this book and regret the money I wasted by purchasing it. For parents seeking more useful advice, look for "Kids Are Worth It" by Barbara Coloroso.
Different from many "how to" manuals Mar 27, 1999
The authors make a compelling and cogent argument for the use of humor and understanding in parent/child interactions. Illustrated with useful dialogues, the concepts presented are easy to visualize and implement.
I am usually loathe to read this genre. The instant quantification of an entire field into a few pages generally does not appeal. In this book, no pretense is made. The subject matter is well circumscribed and is covered thoroughly. I highly recommend this book to any parent seeking a more effective means of communication with his child.