Item description for First Comes Love, Then What?: Challenging Your Assumptions on Dating, Love and Commitment (Focus on the Family) by Kimberly Beair...
Overview Filled with real-life examples and solid principles, this book will help both men and women learn to use their heads before losing their hearts or making mistakes in the dating game.
Publishers Description Misconceptions and unrealistic expectations about love and marriage abound in today's culture, leading to disappointment and disintegrating relationships. The myth of a soulmate is just that--a myth--yet it is held to be true by too many men and women searching for that one-in-a-million match. It's time for a reality check. Kimberly Beair, an experienced counselor, draws from both good and bad examples in her practice to guide readers and to help keep them from making mistakes in the dating game. Filled with real-life examples and solid principles, this book will help both men and women learn to use their heads before losing their hearts.
Community Description In today's culture, misconceptions and unrealistic expectations about love and marriage abound-leading to disappointment and disintegrating realtionships. It's time for a reality check! Clements and Beair, both experienced counselors, draw from examples in their practices to guide readers and help keep them from making mistakes that can lead to broken hearts and marriages.
Please Note, Community Descriptions and notes are submitted by our shoppers, and are not guaranteed for accuracy.
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Studio: Tyndale House Publishers, Inc.
Est. Packaging Dimensions: Length: 8.22" Width: 5.72" Height: 0.43" Weight: 0.49 lbs.
Release Date Apr 1, 2008
Publisher Tyndale House Publishers
ISBN 1589974484 ISBN13 9781589974487
Reviews - What do customers think about First Comes Love, Then What?: Challenging Your Assumptions on Dating, Love and Commitment (Focus on the Family)?
Actionable practical advice for people trying to navigate confusing relational waters Jul 14, 2008
As a licensed professional counselor for over 18 years, Kimberly Beair has certainly seen people struggling with the fallout of bad relationships. And in FIRST COMES LOVE, THEN WHAT? one gets the sense that she has found the culprit behind so many broken hearts and souls --- the powerful phrase "happily ever after."
Beair hits this fairy tale square on the jaw in her fourth paragraph: "I need to burst a bubble of mythology that says good marriages 'just happen.' Not true. All relationships are complicated, and maintaining a successful one requires a great deal of work on the part of both individuals involved. This remains true for every stage of the relationships." Point to Beair.
And don't think Beair has forgotten about another popular romantic foe. She also has her sights on "you complete me." She writes: "One person 'completing' another implies a person is not 'whole' prior to a relationship. We were not created missing anything for the good of our lives, and we have the capability to be complete while standing alone, outside of a romantic relationship. 'You complement me' doesn't roll off the tongue or inspire romance as easily, but it is a more healthy way of looking at relationships."
Beair continues to land punches in her crusade on behalf of happy marriages in 10 chapters that include observations about different kinds of love, encouragement toward self-understanding and (always) the specter of the difficulty intrinsic in real relationships. Each chapter ends with Reality Check and Write It Down sections that include suggested activities, books to read and questions to ponder.
Speaking of theses questions to ponder, FIRST COMES LOVE, THEN WHAT? could also be titled "Love for People Who Like Lists." There are a lot of lists suggested in this book, most notably the one that readers are encouraged to create and stick to that outlines every positive and negative trait in their hoped-for mate.
Lists make me nervous insofar as they become rigid maps for life and suggest that we can be in a kind of control of our lives that doesn't always make room for God. Beair is clearly concerned to present a biblical vision of marriage and life, but her attempts to codify what ingredients add up to success on the relationship front sometimes seem to promote the idea that if one does things in just the right way, a happy marriage is inevitable. Which is its own kind of "happily ever after" myth.
That said, Beair is a formidable fighter for fidelity. FIRST COMES LOVE, THEN WHAT? does offer a lot of actionable practical advice for people trying to navigate confusing relational waters. It's an especially profitable read for those who have suffered through the trauma of failed relationships. Beair has much to say to help readers assess bad patterns and habits that have already manifested themselves toward the goal of reshaping them for the sake of future happiness. Point to the reader.