Item description for Who's Pushing Your Buttons?: Handling the Difficult People in Your Life by John Townsend...
The person who pushes your buttons is likely someone who matters to you--a spouse, a parent, a boss, a fellow church member. Almost always this difficult person is connected to you by blood, love, faith, or money, so you can't just end the relationship without causing pain and upheaval in your life. Our friends and today's culture will often advise us to abandon such relationships quickly--to end this unpleasant chapter and get on with our lives. Psychologist and author Dr. John Townsend disagrees. "Your button-pusher is not someone you would easily and casually leave. You are intertwined at many levels. It is worth the trouble to take a look at the ways the relationship you had, and want, can be revived and reborn."
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Studio: Integrity Publishers
Est. Packaging Dimensions: Length: 9.25" Width: 6.3" Height: 0.98" Weight: 98 lbs.
Release Date Dec 27, 2005
Publisher Integrity Publishers
ISBN 1591454166 ISBN13 9781591454168
Availability 0 units.
More About John Townsend
Dr. John Townsend is a leadership consultant, psychologist, and New York Times bestselling author. He has written twenty-seven books, selling 10 million copies, including the 3 million-selling Boundaries series. John is founder of the Townsend Institute for Leadership and Counseling and conducts the Townsend Leadership program. He travels extensively for corporate consulting, speaking, and working with leadership families. He and his wife Barbi have two sons, and live in Newport Beach, California. One of John's favorite hobbies is playing in a band that performs in Southern California lounges and venues.
John Townsend currently resides in Syracuse, in the state of New York.
Reviews - What do customers think about Who's Pushing Your Buttons?: Handling the Difficult People in Your Life?
Good at the beginning, lost me at the end Aug 20, 2009
This is the second book I have read this week by the writing team of Cloud and Townsend - "Safe People" was the other one. I actually have the same compliments and complaints about both books.
On the strong side:
1) It really helps you identify who is a button-pusher 2) Helps identify how a person feels when around a button-pusher 3) Gives the reader some insights into why that person may be a button-pusher 4) Makes the reader reflect on whether or not the reader himself is a button-pusher 5) Gives some very good, practical advice about how to confront a button-pusher and some of the mistakes people make when doing so
While all the above is very good, the last half of the book on what to do with you button-pusher assumes that this is a relationship that needs to be worked on and mended. The examples are largely marriages and parent/child issues. While those are huge issues for the people in those relationships and they need all the guidance they can get, where I find this lacking are for those of us whos button-pushers are friends, neighbors, or other less entertwined relationships. I would love to have a chapter dedicated to those lesser relationships and some sort of guide to help make the decision whether the relationship is worth the time, effort, and pain of trying to save. Not all relationships are created equal and not all deserve the same level of dedication. I personally believe that sometimes things are so out of wack and the relationship not that important that figuring out how to leave the relationship without doing damage to the other person is where the energy should be spent. As an example, I would invest must more effort it dealing with a broken marriage than trying to retain a friendship with someone not that important in your life. More guidance on how to make those decisions and take those actions would have been appreciated by this reader.
Hope in Troubled Times Dec 23, 2008
"Who's Pushing Your Buttons" is one of the best books I've ever read on conflict resolution. This is a really useful book that helps you to take charge in very difficult situations. It is encouraging to know that your relationship with someone difficult is not completely hopeless.
Dr. John Townsend begins this book by presenting the reasons someone in your life is a button-pusher. The first chapter analyzes the problems you may be encountering or at least it explains the reasons people are button-pushers.
In a way, this book is as much about working on yourself as it is about getting another person to change. Most of the book deals with issues you can handle yourself, like getting a life vs. being obsessive about a troublesome relationship. As you work on yourself the situation can start to change. Simply by spending more time away from the problem it can get better. That is just the start of how to deal with problems. Dr. John Townsend has quite a few good solutions that involve setting boundaries and at times withdrawing from difficult people. This seemed to work well with relatives that were out of control.
Most of the advice in this book seems to work well within a marriage relationship. My husband and I take turns being each other's button pushers. He thinks I talk too much about certain subjects (I analyze a lot) and I think he talks too little about subjects important to me. So there are some topics we just have to avoid. That was something that wasn't addressed in the book - avoidance of dangerous topics that cause anger.
This book is much more in favor of taking the bull by the horns. For lasting change and a peaceful relationship sometimes you have to make difficult decisions that could cause a temporary loss of comfort. While this book doesn't advocate a total separation I think that might be useful in some relationships. The author believes there is hope for everyone but does believe you should get help if your relationship has turned violent.
So if you are in a relationship where someone is driving you crazy you might just have a button-pusher on your hands. According to this book, there is hope and you have more control over the situation than you realize. I can highly recommend this book to anyone struggling in an abusive relationship. The ideas in this book will help you with relatives, friends, work associates and marriage partners. It is great to know that you can turn any relationship around with God's help and a bit of wisdom and persistence.
I've found that reading relationship books and trying to practice unconditional love has been what keeps my marriage together. Each book I read gives me new ideas and I try to put them into practice as soon as possible. I have noticed that as I change myself and try to be a better person, my relationship with my husband and family is better. So I really agree with the author's ideas of working on yourself first so you can be a good example of how to live out the Christian life. I'm not perfect but thirteen years of marriage has made me a better person. So it is worth sticking it out during troubled times. Here are a few more items I've found to be very helpful:
Cracking the Communication Code: The Secret to Speaking Your Mate's Language How to Get Your Husband to Talk to You The Five Love Languages: How to Express Heartfelt Commitment to Your Mate Love & Respect: The Love She Most Desires; The Respect He Desperately Needs For Women Only: What You Need to Know about the Inner Lives of Men The New Physics of Love: The Power of Mind & Spirit in Relationships (Six Cassettes and Study Guide Box Set) Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus: The Classic Guide to Understanding the Opposite Sex
~The Rebecca Review
Great practical advice Mar 26, 2008
This is a great practical advice book! Easy to read. I highlighted a number of parts and have already passed it on to a family member.
Who's Pushing Your Buttons Dec 21, 2007
I purchased this book on the basis of a radio interview with the author which I heard. The book was interesting but not as useful as I had hoped. It has an element of inflexibility that weakens it.
Just a word of caution... Dec 27, 2005
While I find this a pretty good book, and appreciate the approach the author takes, I really was a bit unnerved by the constant quoting of scripture and references to Jesus. If you do not belive in Jesus, or sin or heaven/hell and...I was really put off by suggesting that one reason your button pusher does what he does may be due, in part, to demonic forces.
I wish that I had known the strong Christian slant of this book before I purchased it. I am not Christian, and I am not comfortable with the constant bible thumping. But there are some sound ideas and suggestions.
I had to...as the saying goes, "Take what I want and leave the rest." Some might not be a great match for this book base on what I found.