Reviews - What do customers think about Marriage On The Rocks: Learning to Live with Yourself and an Alcoholic?
when you want to/need to stay with the alcoholic, just for today Mar 22, 2008
We often so need to -- or want to-- stay with the alcoholic, for today. We often don't know if we can stand it if we are alone, or if we can go out there in that world again, trying to 'date', or whatever. Another book that I also find so extremely helpful is "Getting Them Sober". That book-- both for me and my patients -- has literally saved all our lives, with its hundreds of so very practical and effective daily suggestions that really do make life easier when living under the same roof with an alcoholic. No wonder it has sold over a million copies, and Melody Beattie (author of "Codependent NO More") says "it's the best book for the family of the still-drinking alcoholic".Getting Them Sober: You Can Help! (Getting Them Sober)
I recommend this book to anybody who has ever known an alcoholic! Sep 20, 2007
This is an excellent book for anybody who has ever been affected by someone else's drinking problem. Even if it is not your spouse. This book will help you understand the disease, and that nobody is at fault. The alcoholic is NOT to blame for his disease, but IS responsible for his behavior. If you are a wife, a parent, a child, a close friend, or in any way associated with an alcoholic, this book is for you. It is important that you help yourself, before the alcoholic. This book will show you how.
excellent Dec 4, 2005
Besides going to alanon, this is an excellent starting point to validate and identify your problems with an alcoholic. Also buy Jeff Jay's LOVE FIRST--on how to do an intervention. I bought both of these books for myself and my friends so they would understand what I was going through (friends give you all the wrong advice until they really understand)and help me with the intervention--which WORKED!!! Don't be afraid to tell people. You are hurting yourself and your children by keeping secrets. Believe me, my 6 year old knew way more than i could have imagined when I started being honest with her--I was shocked--sometimes it seemed like she understood more than I did). To my shock--My husband went into a 28 day detox/alcohol rehab program after I did the intervention---it MUST be done RIGHT to work! Even the interventionist said he was a really tough case. These 2 books did the trick (I read many other books that did not "speak to me" the way these 2 books did. After 2-3 years of research online and in books--these are the 2 books that worked for me and my husband. After his 28 days treatment he refused a sober house (which was a mistake--it would have been better if he was recovering away from me and my daughter for OUR sake not his). In a sober house, the newly sober alcoholic can still go to work, see family, etc--he just lives in the sober house for support and checks and balances). So, After the 28 days, he has now been in outpatient rehab for 2 months. A very slow, emotional time for the family, but at least he is abstaining from alcohol. They tell me it takes 4-6 months for their heads to clear and really start a true recovery. THUS, I cannot stress enough that AFTER treatment the follow up is almost as tough. You must get your WHOLE family into recovery/treatment--the best thing is to insist that you alcoholic spouse/friend/dad/eic. go to outpatient rehab after inpatient rehab (even better, to a sober house first after inpatient treatment) and then the family and significant other should be in any and all programs available at the out patient tratment. That is when you realize that YOU need to help YOURSELVES and stop worrying about the alcoholic. PLEASE, go to ALANON as well and read these books. Also look at books on co-dependency to help you and your children get a life. The books by Beatty (I forgot her first name)on co-dependent 12 steps are excellent too. ESPECIALLY if you have kids involved.
A good place to start... Aug 14, 2005
This book is a good place to start when you realize there need to be changes in your life -- especially when you are married to an alcohol abuser. While not everything in the book was tailored to my situation, I found the information to be helpful and insightful. The style of writing is a bit casual, but I think that is purposeful to keep the reader involved. I plan to purchase the books about adult children of alcoholics by the same author.
better answer than this horrible solution is available Jun 15, 2005
I understand that it's not easy to leave your spouse-- even when you can't find him anymore under all that alcohol. However, if the environment is entirely sick and you have children involved, how can you justify staying? This book IS helpful if that's your decision, but the truth is, you'd be better off thinking about holding an intervention and help the person. They don't have to hit bottom and you don't have to settle for a life loneliness and sadness and disappointment. Drunks are irrational, illogical, and can be MEAN. If you are in a relationship with someone exhibiting these characteristics secondary to alcohol abuse, why would you stay indefinitely?
There is an answer and that answer is an intervention (yes, I know that some disagree with that concept. I think interventions, though, are useful. But don't send them to the cult of AA afterwards. . . get them into detox and then someplace far away from AA. . . like on a plane to Rational Recovery in California or into some REBT therapy. . )80% of interventions are successful in the sense that they get treatment. But, as the interventionist would say, ALL interventions are successful because even if the addict refuses treatment, you have made boundaries. You have made decisions. You have the opportunity knowing you did all you can do.
Since writing this review, I came across more information regarding this author. So, as an addendum, I want to say that Janet Woititz is a nut. For her dissertation, she did a study that compared Alateen teens to similar teens with alcoholic parents. Her study proved that the teens that weren't affiliated with Alateen had higher self-esteem and were happier people. Wanting to forward her theories, she concluded that the REASON non-Alateen teenagers had higher self-esteem was because they were "in denial". 12-step groups are based on the alcoholism-as-disease-model. There is absolutely no evidence of this. On the contrary, the evidence points to addiction being a choice or a negative BEHAVIOR.
Janet Woititz forwards this crazy pseudo-science. You'd be better off reading Jeffrey Schaler, Stanton Peele, Jack Trimpey, or Albert Ellis. Not only will their scientifically-sound theories enlighten you to the truth, you will be able to make decisions regarding YOUR life based on fact, not feeling, and not the neverending, always-in-"recovery", "i need a meeting" philosophy. Make a decision: get over the addiction and get on with your life. Pretty simple.