Item description for Real Parents, Real Children: Parenting the Adopted Child by Holly Van Gulden, Gulden Holly Van & Lisa M. Bartels-Rabb...
Overview "A leading authority offers practical advice for parents on how to talk with their children about adoption and how to help them through the rougher times of growing up adopted. Highly recommended".--Library Journal.
Publishers Description Required reading for adoptive families, those considering adoption, or professionals in the field. This practical, informative book covers topics of vital importance to adoptive parents with sensitivity and insight. The authors bring years of experience to the complex emotional issues that parents will negotiate, and expert advice on establishing a healthy, loving parent-child relationship.
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Studio: The Crossroad Publishing Company
Est. Packaging Dimensions: Length: 9.08" Width: 6.12" Height: 0.77" Weight: 0.9 lbs.
Release Date Feb 1, 2000
Publisher Crossroad Classic
ISBN 0824515145 ISBN13 9780824515140
Availability 0 units.
More About Holly Van Gulden, Gulden Holly Van & Lisa M. Bartels-Rabb
Reviews - What do customers think about Real Parents, Real Children: Parenting the Adopted Child?
Real Parents Real Children Oct 13, 2007
A little clinical but very helpful for learning what to expect during each developmental stage.
What is best for the person separated from family? Dec 11, 2005
I know people who have raised a grandchild and pretended to be the mother, rather than grandmother - which caused the adopted person intense grief and anger later on.
I know someone who cared for two kids who were not his own and was proud to be known as their "step-father", not pretending to be their father.
I know someone who cared for a child, loving him and providing for him in exactly the same way he would have if the boy was his own. He referred to himself as the "guardian" of the boy and still allowed the boy's family members (excluding the abuser) to communicate with the boy and referred to them as his relatives.
I believe it makes it more difficult for a child to discuss her very real loss (loss of her sister, grandparent or parent) when the people caring for her keep insisting they are her "real" family. Real caregiver, real guardian - and hopefully loving and considerate. But I question whether it is considerate or loving (in the long run) to pretend to be the real family members.
Indispensable help for anyone adopting an older child... Nov 29, 2004
I almost did not buy this book after reading a review that it was "too clinical." Thank heaven I went for it anyway. It was SO interesting and SO helpful, it has inspired me to write my first book review here on this site. I have read every book I can get my hands on since I adopted a 4-year-old from another country and this was by far the most useful to me. While it also covers adoption of infants and domestic adoption, Van Gulden delves deeply into adoption of older (more than a year old), international/interracial children and the issues they face. I especially like how - after each chapter - she gives a list of other resources/books to consult for more information. There are great suggestions of children's books that will help you approach most any difficult topic that can - and will - come up with your new child. I am back here shopping for more copies tonight - get a copy for grandma/grandpa and anyone else close to you who may need a little education on the unique intricacies of adopting an older child from another culture or race. I am so grateful to have found this book and highly recommend it. Adoption is one of life's richest blessings - and most worthy challenges. This book will help you appreciate and cope and know that you are not alone.
Too Clinical Mar 26, 2004
I ordered this book & returned it after glancing through it. It seems too clinical & dry. It seemed like reading a college child development book. I'm sure there's lots of good information in there, but I want something that is easier to apply to my life. I also ordered "Keys to Parenting an Adopted Child" by Kathy Lancaster, and that seems like a better book to start with for me. Obviously, other people have enjoyed this book though - but it wasn't for me at this point in time (we're in the process of adopting an infant from Russia & don't have kids yet).
Very helpful book on many adoption fronts Sep 11, 2003
Gulden and Bartels-Rabb cover a large number of issues that adoptive parents would greatly benefit knowing about, even if some don't apply to their personal situation, such as adoption of an older child and the consequent issue of bonding and attachment and re-naming the child. Also, the book offers a great bibliography. I could identify with several points brought up. Preplacement and postplacement stress (and joy!) is one issue I can still vividly remember. Also the fact that parenting adopted children is, in fact, different from parenting birth children. In our case, I found this to be especially true during the first year of our daughter's life when nature had not prepared me for the arrival of a child. Our daughter was four days old and loved around the clock. However, I found that the difference between her and our two birth children lasted only as long as the milk flowed. After that, I saw three unique individuals, and as the years went by, the issue of adoption was no more a household word than the issue of biological birth. We spoke lovingly of her birthmother and brought her up at special events, yet our daughter, very easy-going in temperament, never seemed to suffer an identity crisis or later, an interest in searching. When her birthmother appeared 29 years later, she began a cordial relationship with her but claims that the reunion has not made her whole while before she was fragmented. She had merely made a new friend. Perhaps our daughter was like the little eleven-year old boy quoted by Gulden and Bartels-Rabb: "You know all those things you've been saying about my birth parents? Well, I've come to the conclusion that those poor suckers lost a good thing." It would be nice if all adopted kids felt as confident, but that's sadly not true. Gisela Gasper Fitzgerald, author of ADOPTION: An Open, Semi-Open or Closed Practice?