Reviews - What do customers think about The Disease to Please: Curing the People-Pleasing Syndrome?
So Helpful Jan 12, 2008
This book was recommended to me by my counselor. The book is full of insightful information. It was amazing how many times I said to myself "that is exactly how I feel" Trying to please everyone all the time gets in the way of so many things on so many levels and this book helps you see and understand those things...People with the disease to please think they are doing all these good things by being so kind and helpful and loving when in reality, it can be pretty eroding to their own self esteem and their close personal relationships without them even realizing it because of the underlying reasons as to why they lay aside their own feelings about something in order to please everyone, keep peace, avoid conflict, etc. The step by step plan to help the pleaser move away from the mindset that makes him/her sacrifice so many things to please others is excellent. While not complicated or something revolutionary, it helps the reader to truly focus on thoughts and motivations and take steps to readjust your thinking. It is a must read for anyone who thinks they have even the slightest tendancy to be a people pleaser whether on the job or in thier personal lives.
Extremely well done, very helpful Oct 5, 2007
As opposed to many self help books, Braiker has written a book that has substance instead of "rah-rah" fluff, and is very well written so you can actually apply the concepts into your daily life.
She does not assume that everyone has the same challenges. Reflecting that premise, at the beginning of most all sections she provides a list of questions for the reader to answer so they can tell how much they may or may not need the concepts that follow. You don't have to read it from start to finish. Instead, take the first test and jump right to sections that will provide you the most help.
Her ideas are very well thought out and clearly written. The "light turns on" as you read a paragraph and ponder how it applies to you.
If you want everyone to like you and it bothers you when they do not, or if you are addicted to pleasing your employer and work excessively, this is one of the first books I would read.
How to Grow Wiser and More Carefree Aug 24, 2007
The title says it all. The late Harriet Braiker deserves accolades for delving into this mysterious self-destructive illness, the disease to please. By showing lots of examples, along with physical symptoms of heart disease, we learn the horrible toll that is exacted on its victims. Not only does she write well, she writes with a sense of urgency and caring which surpasses your average psyche book. There is modeling of "How to Say No", along with hints on spotting manipulators and stopping the disease before it spreads.
If Abused This Shoud Be Used Jul 8, 2007
I have often thought that I might be some sort of habitual 'people pleaser' and have had that sentiment conveyed to me both in professional counseling sessions as well as casual conversations. Thus when I heard about this book and read some reviews of it I determined to take my first formal look at a thorough dissertaion on the subject of so-called 'people pleasing' and dove right in. Before long it became clear to me that, though I may 'suffer' from a propensity to 'please' people, I did not fall into the syndrome as it was being portrayed in this work. The missing component for me was the lack of an abusive relationship or emasculating work environment. Each chapter, though well documented and orderly in its presentation, made clear that the basic underlying assumption in the need to break out of the people pleasing mode was some assumed need to break free of a bad relationship or work situation.
Braiker details in each chapter how 'people pleasing' is both 1) self-defeating in that, in her view, it never results in having people be 'pleased' with you enough to justify your selfless actions as well as 2) such behavior serves only to embolden those who would take advantange of another person willing to give a little extra or do something without an expected quid pro quo agreed to in advance. True, abusers thrive on the weaknesses of others but a willingness to treat people with unreciprocated kindness or to simply be generous and share whatever measure of good fortune one happens to enjoy is hardly psychopathic or self-destructive behavior. I guess I'm just not that controlled by a 'need to please' so much as I am simply a generous person who believes it alright to defer to others and to share without prompting whatever material good fortunre I may have on a given day in my life. If you think you are obessessed with the need to be well thought of and direct your daily life as well as your life plan to the goal of eing highly regarded by other people, this might be the book for you.
If you feel you do more than your share in a relationship or on the job but are not sufficiently rewarded with praise, this might be the book for you.
On the other hand, if you simply feel that not everyone appreciates you enough - including perfect strangers on the bus - then skip it. We live in a less than perfect world but that doesn't mean we should stop being nice to people or stop trying to do our best each and every time we step up to the plate at work or in an situation where our actions may be subjectively judged. In short, it's alright to want people to like you and to do good deeds in hopes of garnering a measure of approval from others. Just don't get nailed to the cross or start muttering 'It's a far, far better thing that I do than I have ever done...' before you trade places with someone on the way to guillotine.
self help therapy Jan 11, 2007
excellent for understanding pleasing behaviors and dancing on stage to perform for others