Item description for Screamfree Parenting: The Revolutionary Approach to Raising Your Kids by Keeping Your Cool by Hal Edward Runkel...
Overview A family therapist introduces a practical, effective approach to parenting that explains how to overcome the stresses and anxieties of parenting by learning how to relate to children in a calm, cool, and connected way, emphasizing the need for privacy for every member of the family, how to respect a child's choices and opinions, and how to set new patterns of cooperation and connection. Reprint. 60,000 first printing.
Publishers Description You Can Start a Revolution in Your Family . . . Tonight "ScreamFree Parenting" is not just about lowering your voice. It's about learning to calm your emotional reactions and learning to focus on your own behavior more than your kids' behavior . . . for their benefit. Our biggest enemy as parents is not the TV, the Internet, or even drugs. Our biggest enemy is our own "emotional reactivity." When we say we "lost it" with our kids, the "it" in that sentence is our own "adulthood." And then we wonder why our kids have so little respect for us, why our kids seem to have all the power in the family. It's time to do it differently. And you can. You can start to create and enjoy the types of calm, mutually respectful, and loving relationships with your kids that you've always craved. You can begin to revolutionize your family, starting tonight. Parenting is not about kids, it's about parents. If you're not in control, then you cannot be in charge. What every kid really needs are parents who are able to keep their cool no matter what. Easier said than done? Not anymore, thanks to ScreamFree Parenting, the principle-based approach that's inspiring parents everywhere to truly revolutionize their family dynamics. Moving beyond the child-centered, technique-based approaches that ultimately fail, the ScreamFree way compels you to: focus on yourself calm yourself down, and grow yourself up By staying calm "and "connected with your kids, you begin to operate less out of your deepest fears and more out of your highest principles, revolutionizing your relationships in the process. " ScreamFree Parenting" is not just another parenting book. It's the "first "parenting book that maintains--from beginning to end--that parenting is NOT about kids . . . it's about parents. As parents pay more attention to controlling their "own" behavior instead of their kids' behavior, the result is stronger, more rewarding, and more fulfilling family relationships. For those of you reading who "are "parents, "know "parents, or have "had "parents, the notion that the greatest thing you can do for your children is to learn to focus on yourself may sound strange, even heretical. It's not. Here's why: "we "are the only ones we can control. We cannot control our kids--we cannot control the behavior of any other human being. And yet, so many "experts" keep giving us more tools ("techniques") to help us try to do just that. And, of course, the more we try to control, the more out of control our children become. "Don't make me come up there." "Don't make me pull this car over." "How many times do I have to tell you?" Even our language suggests that our kids have control over us. It's no wonder that we end up screaming. Or shutting down. Or simply giving up. And the charts, refrigerator magnets, family meetings, and other techniques in most typical parenting books just don't work. They end up making us feel more frustrated and more powerless in this whole parenting thing. This practical, effective guide for parents of all ages with kids of all ages introduces proven principles for overcoming the anxieties and stresses of parenting and setting new patterns of connection and cooperation. Well-written in an engaging, conversational tone, the book is sensible, straightforward, and based on the experiences of hundreds of actual families. It will help all parents become calming authorities in their homes, bring peace to their families today, and give kids what they need to grow into caring, self-directed adults tomorrow.
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Est. Packaging Dimensions: Length: 8.02" Width: 5.1" Height: 0.66" Weight: 0.45 lbs.
Release Date Aug 19, 2008
Publisher Three Rivers Press
ISBN 0767927435 ISBN13 9780767927437
Availability 0 units.
More About Hal Edward Runkel
HAL RUNKEL is a licensed marriage and family therapist, relationship coach, and international speaker. He is founder and President of The ScreamFree Institute--a not-for-profit dedicated to calming the world, one relationship at a time. Hal's principles have already helped thousands of families revolutionize their relationships. He lives with his wife, Jenny, and their two children just outside Atlanta, Georgia. JENNY RUNKEL is a writer, editor, and high-school English teacher. While deftly managing her classroom of juniors & seniors, she also manages and helps produce the content on ScreamFree.com, the online presence of The ScreamFree Institute. Her humorous, insightful words reach tens of thousands sets of eyes & ears every month, including those of her husband, Hal, and their two children.
Reviews - What do customers think about Screamfree Parenting: The Revolutionary Approach to Raising Your Kids by Keeping Your Cool?
Surprisingly devoid of content May 25, 2010
Mr Runkel provides very little evidence to back his claims. The book says, for example, "When we scream at our kids, when we get emotionally reactive, we communicate one single message: CALM ME DOWN! No matter what words are actually coming out of our mouths, ... the message is always the same: CALM ME DOWN! Whenever we react to our children's behavior by screaming, we are actually begging them to help us calm our anxiety."
That's a pretty strong statement without a single shred of proof.
Does this mean that kids don't understand what we are actually screaming about? What about when adults scream at each other? When a bad manager shouts on his underlings? Is he also begging to help calm his anxiety? Why people scream on the people the least able to provide them with help?
In the whole book I don't remember a single reference to scientific research. How a parenting book written in 21st century can completely ignore our understanding of child psychology?
Mr Runkel does quote a few other authors, but it looks like only because they provide nice quotes. He gives no background about their positions or references to the research those positions are based upon.
The book presents some anecdotes about people succeeding when using the techniques discussed there. I don't know what to make of these stories. The book information page has this disclaimer:
"This book is a work of fiction. Names, characters, businesses, organizations, places, events, and incidents either are the product of the author's imagination or are used fictiously. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, events, or locales is entirely coincidental."
From Wikipedia definition: "Fiction is an imaginative form of narrative" and "fiction is largely perceived as a form of art or entertainment". About non-fiction: "... it is generally assumed that the authors of such accounts believe them to be truthful at the time of their composition."
Mr Runkel says that this whole book is the figment of his imagination and any connection to reality is coincidental. We can thank him with starting a new genre - "Fictional Parenting". I would think that being a family therapist he has access to real, not imaginary, people.
Read this Apr 27, 2010
It was terrific reading some of these postings. You people surely give a great contribution to this site. And for free! What brings me here though is not the same reason that brought you.
I have for quite some time been aggressively working on my first web site, a huge project that focuses exclusively on children. As I finally approach the conclusion of its first phase, I came up with the idea to look for the right people for help. Part of the site is comprised of four different blogs that are yet to be populated, each falling under a distinct category as follows:
1. Parenting and Children's Social Life 2. Children Education and Arts 3. Mental and Physical Health 4. Entertainment and Looks
I am currently working on my first post while still addressing other sections of the site. I could of course start writing for the other three blogs as well, but that would require a significant amount of time on research and writing as I am to be exacting when it comes to content quality. I am looking for knowledgeable people with good writing skills who would be willing to volunteer some of their time and expertise to help me promote the site's cause by publishing fresh material on those blogs. That way I would be able to abbreviate the time it would take to make the site available for public view.
Should you be interested, please take a moment to check the site and in particular the introduction page and the blog policy link on that page. Please keep in mind it's still under construction. If you decide to become part of the project, just let me know which blog(s) you would like to post your writings and I will gladly send you an invitation so that you can gain access.
If you've read this far it probably means you're interested in hearing more. Email me at email@example.com and I'll send you the rest of the info. I guarantee you will like what you will see... Marcos
Scream-Free Parenting Mar 27, 2010
A quick and easy read. Filled with helpful insights and tips on how to keep your cool with children of all ages. As the mother of a very short-fused three year-old and a budding teenager, this book has helped me do a more effective and loving job of parenting. I especially like the premise that we are not responsible for our children but to them instead. The other basic premise is that if you lose your cool and scream, yell, and threaten then that is what you are teaching your kids to do when they are stressed out. If you want them to "grow-up" into responsible and capable adults then you have to act like one with them.
Great advice on parenting and regaining sanity Feb 16, 2010
I have read all the other reviews and think they make all the relevant points. I do think this is a good book and a good book to own, because I have to keep rereading it or sections of it to remind myself of things as I grow and try to get better control of myself as a person and a parent.
As some have pointed out, there are just a few take home messages that can be boiled down to some simple ideas. But actually applying those in a meaningful way and knowing how to do it in different situations is difficult. There can't be a "how to" book for that, which is why it can't be purely prescriptive. It's about changing perspective and mindset. That is what this book is about, and I think the advice is very useful! With due respect, I don't think it's about treating children like little adults but about helping them grow by growing together in relationship. It took me a couple of reads of the book to fully get it, because on my first read, I wasn't fully open to understanding everything in the book.
some good suggestions, but basically says control yourself and don't scream Feb 15, 2010
The take-away message I got from this book was that the key to Scream-Free parenting was to just control your owm emotions, show you are in control and expect results. But this is hader said than done, especially with a 2 1/2 year old and I could use a lot more specific suggestions. Also bought Have a new kid by Friday (felt As Seen on TV gimmicky, this will work for you if you just use my method...) and How to talk so your kids will listen and listen so your kids will talk (much more helpful but a little out-of-date). Hasn't helped me that much.