Item description for Secrets To Lasting Love : Uncovering The Keys To Lifelong Intimacy by Dr. Gary Smalley...
Overview When you travel somewhere new, you use a road map. In Smalley's easy to follow guide, you'll find an atlas that shows couples how to establish a loving relationship that withstands life's inevitable conflicts. Discover how to journey beyond the superficial and achieve lifelong intimacy by showing resepct, developing clear communication, and recognizing each other's needs.
Publishers Description Gary Smalley is one of the world's foremost speakers and experts on love and relationships. His gift for helping couples create more meaningful communication and deeper understanding so that they can establish an unwavering bond is the inspiration behind "Secrets to Lasting Love, " the culmination of Smalley's decades of work. In it he outlines the three essential skills that move couples to the highest levels of intimacy:
Respect your spouse for all of his or her individual qualities and differences from you.
Communicate with each other in a way that moves conversations into deeper realms of understanding.
Renew and recharge your spouse emotionally, mentally, physically, and spiritually -- constantly. It is not easy to recognize and then apply these skills. But "Secrets to Lasting Love" shows everyone how to do just that, so they can reach what Smalley calls the fifth, or ultimate, level of intimacy -- where there's a marital bond strong enough to withstand the inevitable highs and lows of life. With Gary Smalley, you will have the tools to create a heightened sense of commitment that will allow you to reach your spouse's heart and spirit.
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Studio: Free Press
Est. Packaging Dimensions: Length: 8.5" Width: 5.5" Height: 0.8" Weight: 0.7 lbs.
Release Date Feb 8, 2001
Publisher Free Press
ISBN 0684850516 ISBN13 9780684850511
Availability 56 units. Availability accurate as of Oct 28, 2016 12:59.
Usually ships within one to two business days from La Vergne, TN.
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More About Dr. Gary Smalley
Dr. Gary Smalley is the president and founder of the Smalley Relationship Center and the author or coauthor of more than 40 marriage and parenting books, including the bestsellers Making Love Last Forever, The Blessing and The DNA of Relationships and the award-winning Redemption fiction series (with Karen Kingsbury). He has appeared on national television programs such as Oprah, Larry King Live and The Today Show as well as numerous national radio programs. As a speaker, he has spoken to millions of people in over 100 major cities in the U.S. as well as countries all over the world. Gary and his wife, Norma, have been married for 41 years and live in Branson, Missouri. They have three adult children and eight grandchildren.
Gary Smalley currently resides in Branson, in the state of Missouri.
Gary Smalley has published or released items in the following series...
Reviews - What do customers think about Secrets To Lasting Love : Uncovering The Keys To Lifelong Intimacy?
I strongly recommend this book Mar 17, 2008
Here is a book that goes straight to the heart of the matter in relationship. Couples who follow the advises and exercises as prescribed in this book will experience a relief and more attraction to each other. From a man perspective I truly strongly recommend this book. Dr. Israel King,Ph.D. Author of How To Keep A Man
Almost six years later and it still works Nov 18, 2007
I read Gary Smalley's "Secrets To Lasting Love" at the request of Rev. McLaren the minister who married my wife and I (almost six years ago). Now given that I haven't looked at this book in a few years I'm going to restrict this review to what this book has done for my wife and I.
Prior to reading Mr. Smalley's work I constantly lived in a place in my mind where I didn't really communicate with my wife. I was afraid of confrontation, and anytime it came down to talking over issues that needed to be discussed I wanted nothing to do with it. I distinctly remember reading this book and Mr. Smalley pointing out that people really rob themselves in intamacy by not talking. He quickly points out that couples need to talk about the things they don't want to talk about the most. This is hard work (trust me I know), but is vital to true intimacy. Marriages don't grow without talking about the very things you don't want to discuss. Now doing this without blaming your spouse, without accusations, without harsh speech is not as easy as think. But if you want your marriage to flourish the way God intended these skills are vital. I don't remember everything that's in this book (I should review it again myself), but I can tell you that what I've applied works like a champ.
God Bless Your Heart...
P.S. To the person who keeps attacking all my faith based reviews keep going. I know I must be on the right track.
Great Book Mar 21, 2007
I'm never disappointed with Gary Smalley's advice. So much good information it is difficult to take in all at once. I may not always like it but he is seldom wrong. I like the way the uses his and others "win's" and "losses" to get the point across. This is a book I'll need to re-read and I'm sure my wife will appreciate his advice too.
A true marriage blessing!! Aug 20, 2006
This book will bless Your Marriage and Your walk with the Lord. Gary Smalley is truly a blessed author and this book has been blessed. Read this book and Your walk with the Lord will grow, and your marriage will be off the scale! Excellent book!!!
Valuable insights for all close relationships Jul 7, 2000
The author of this book is a therapist with decades of experience and a successful 35-year marriage. His book is written in a friendly, accessible style. Unfortunately, his informality extends to the lack of an index, list of references, or resource list. It is important to note that, though the author does not spell this out, the book is clearly aimed at couples whose marriages are suffering from relatively mild interpersonal emotional neglect due to passivity and/or passive-aggression. I do not believe the advice in this book would be helpful for couples enduring traumas such as entrenched, extensive verbal abuse, physical violence, addictions, or mental illness.
The aspect of this book I am most impressed with is the framework for Smalley's advice, five levels of communication involved in achieving intimacy: (1) Sharing cliches. The meaningless chatter strangers exchange presents zero emotional risk to those engaged in it. (2) Sharing facts. Stating bald facts about surface events in your life or the lives of others involves the slight risk of getting the facts wrong and being challenged on it. Note: Smalley does not go into the complicated scenario of sharing explosive, secret facts, which can involve an enormous amount of risk. (3) Sharing opinions. Stating individual opinions, concerns and expectations results in greater emotional risk than cliches or (non-explosive) facts because opinions can be criticized--and very likely will be if the opinion is critical of the person it is offered to. (4) Sharing significant feelings. Offering one's feelings, especially one's deepest, truest feelings, brings high risk because we are hoping to be listened to and valued, but we may be rejected and invalidated instead. (5) Sharing needs. Smalley sees sharing personal and relationship needs as more risky than sharing feelings. He offers a simple personality typology as an aid to couples in realizing that a good portion of their conflict may be due to them having very different personalities. (By the way, if this subject interests you, search this site for the topic "Myers-Briggs" and really have some fun.) Smalley believes that the solution to dealing with the conflicts inevitably arising out of differing personalities is "honoring." He defines this as not only respecting your partner's differences, but treasuring them, and committing yourself to making your partner the number one priority in your life.
Over the course of the book, the author offers illustrative examples of ways in which couples can become trapped in the communication of strangers and/or casual acquaintances. He states that the door to sharing significant feelings and needs, the realm of true intimacy, is the conflict caused by sharing opinions. He offers advice on how to move safely through this phase by using techniques which communicate "honoring." He believes the latter builds enough trust to permit the next two levels of risk, sharing feelings and needs.
In my opinion, the following relationships are most likely to find this book useful: (1) Troubled marriages. If your marriage is "merely" suffering from interpersonal emotional neglect, and underneath all the problems both of you retain goodwill to each other and a strong desire to save your marriage through hard work, I believe this book would be a good adjunct to ongoing marriage counseling. If your therapist doesn't know about this book, you could take it to him/her and ask to work from it as a couple doing weekly "homework" from it assigned and encouraged by the counselor to help you improve communication in order to gain greater intimacy. (2) New couples. This book can teach couples who are moving toward commitment, who are engaged, or very early in marriage what kind of communication they need to develop, from the start, to have consistent, long-term intimacy. But only IF the pair reads it together and both agree they want to communicate like this. Intimacy is not a one-sided affair. (3) Healthy marriages. People who have excellent relationships already can learn from this book to be more conscious about what they are doing that works so they will be sure to keep on doing it. (4) Friendships. If you are wondering why you feel alienated from or constantly hurt by a certain "very good friend" of yours, this book can help you find out why. It can also help you realize what kind of people you'd like to choose as intimate friends in the future.
Final recommendation: If you find this book helpful, you may also appreciate a fabulous book on healing emotional unavailability in men (most of Smalley's emotionally unavailable clients are men). It is called In the Company of Men: A New Approach to Healing for Husbands, Fathers, & Friends, by Marvin Allen.