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I Promise: How 5 Essential Commitments Determine the Destiny of Your Marriage [Hardcover]

By Dr. Gary Smalley (Author)
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Item description for I Promise: How 5 Essential Commitments Determine the Destiny of Your Marriage by Dr. Gary Smalley...

I Promise
by Gary Smalley
In I Promise, America's foremost marriage expert comes to a startling new conclusion: Great marriages are built on a foundation of trust, not behavioral skills. It's not enough to learn your partner's love language, become proficient in conflict resolution, learn to control your emotions and even become an expert in the bedroom. If your spouse does not feel safe enough to open up his or her heart without fear of being judged, criticized, blamed, or rejected, nothing you do will be effective. It's only when couples feel emotionally "safe" that they can truly become one, as God intended. Based on 10 years of research, Dr. Gary Smalley shares six heartfelt promises you can make to your mate that are guaranteed to build trust and help your spouse become the true soul mate, lover and friend you desire.

SUBTITLE: How 5 Commitments Determine The Destiny Of Your Marriage

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Item Specifications...

Studio: Integrity Publishers
Pages   224
Est. Packaging Dimensions:   Length: 9.24" Width: 6.02" Height: 0.93"
Weight:   0.92 lbs.
Binding  Hardcover
Release Date   Sep 30, 2006
Publisher   Thomas Nelson
ISBN  1591453860  
ISBN13  9781591453864  

Availability  0 units.

More About Dr. Gary Smalley

Gary Smalley Dan Walsh is the bestselling author of several books, including The Dance and The Promise with Gary Smalley, as well as The Unfinished Gift, The Discovery, and The Reunion. He has won three Carol Awards, and two of his novels were finalists for RT Book Reviews Inspirational Book of the Year for 2011 and 2012. A member of American Christian Fiction Writers, Dan served as a pastor for 25 years. He lives with his wife in the Daytona Beach area, where he's busy researching and writing his next novel. Learn more at
Gary Smalley is one of the country's best known authors and speakers on family relationships. He is the bestselling and award-winning author or coauthor of 16 books, along with several popular films and videos. He has spent over 30 years learning, teaching, and counseling, speaking to over 2 million people in live conferences. Smalley has appeared on national television programs such as Oprah, Larry King Live, Extra, The Today Show, and The Sally Jessy Raphael Show, as well as numerous national radio programs. Gary and his wife, Norma, have been married for 50 years and live in Colorado.

Gary Smalley currently resides in Branson, in the state of Missouri.

Gary Smalley has published or released items in the following series...
  1. Enfoque a la Familia
  2. LifeChange
  3. Nelson Pocket: Crianza de los Hijos
  4. Restoration (Flemming H. Revell)
  5. Safe Harbor

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Product Categories

1Books > Bargain Books
2Books > Subjects > Health, Mind & Body > Relationships > Marriage
3Books > Subjects > Nonfiction > Social Sciences > Sociology > Marriage & Family
4Books > Subjects > Religion & Spirituality > Authors, A-Z > ( S ) > Smalley, Gary
5Books > Subjects > Religion & Spirituality > Christianity > Christian Living > General
6Books > Subjects > Religion & Spirituality > Christianity > Christian Living > Relationships > Marriage
7Books > Subjects > Religion & Spirituality > Christianity > Protestantism > Amish

Christian Product Categories
Books > Christian Living > Relationships > Love & Marriage
Books > Christian Living > Practical Life > General

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Reviews - What do customers think about I Promise: How 5 Essential Commitments Determine the Destiny of Your Marriage?

Read it over and over again!  Nov 17, 2008
If you are looking for a book on marriage, look no further. I have read this book over and over again. It has changed my thinking when it comes to how I treat my husband and how I want him to treat me. This book was given to us as a wedding present and I can say with confidence it is the best gift we received. I recommend this book to anyone who is getting married, or knows anyone who is getting married, married for 2 months, 2 years, or 20 years. Wonderful!
Best relationship advice book I have read!  Jun 1, 2008
This book is great! I have read lots of relationship books looking for help with my relationship and none of them really helped. The Five Love Languages just made me want to tell my boyfriend everything he was doing wrong. And all other relationship books just seem to have this list of things that will be a miracle cure for problems in a relationship, but they never are! I worried about that with this book but it definitely proved me wrong!

I absolutely loved this book! It points out five basic ways that help you fix things. My boyfriend and I have been together for 3 1/2 years and had been going through a tough last year constantly talking about breaking up. Finally it came to the point where it was going to be totally over. We took some time apart and I bought this book. It made a huge differnce for me! I realized all the things that I was doing wrong to hurt the relationship. I was always focusing on the negative and pointing out things that my boyfriend would do wrong. I love how the book really reminds you to look at yourself and fix your faults before going and trying to fix your significant others. All of the points are brought back to God, and I love that! It just makes it so much easier to follow than advice from some person. When your focus is brought to God and what God wants for you it makes it so much easier to fix your relationship or keep it going strong! There is not much scripture reference, but it is definitely God centered!

I absolutely loved this book and it definitely saved our relationship. If you are the person in a relationship having doubts and always looking at the negative and complaining, I would highly recommend this book. Chances are the relationship isn't as negative as you think and your significant other is not as bad as you make them seem! Read this book! Or if you are the one in the relationship opposite the complainer, this book is also great because it is really written from that person's point of view I felt. I think girls can tend to be the complainers and the book is written by a man so I think that is why. But all the points can help someone whose significant other is complaining and finding fault. It helps them remember to give them respect and understand where they are coming from. Don't waste your time with other relationship books! They never got me anywhere! This one did! Or if your relationship is fine, buy this book over other relationship books too! It keeps you focused on God and with that your relationship will always be great!
Great book on CD!  Dec 30, 2007
This is a wonderful book on CD for any couple or single person who wants to lead a Christ like relationship. It makes you think about how you can better yourself as you go through your relationships.
Life Changing Experience - Hand it out to all your friends and family!!!  Dec 6, 2007
My husband and I went to the "I Promise" seminar because we were struggling. We bought this book there and took it home and we both devoured it. This seminar and book completely turned our life around. We have BOTH been actively using these principles from the book for about 9 months now and are truly changed for life. We've never been closer to God or eachother because of this. We have since bought the DVD as well. We've also bought 9 more books since we bought our first one, just to hand out to friends and family that were struggling. Everyone we've given the book to have had similar experiences. This is the BEST marriage book I have ever read!
Engaged couples, newlyweds and longtime married spouses will find ideas for creating deeper intimacy  Jun 5, 2007
What's more important in a marriage than learning a partner's love language, being proficient in conflict resolution or having great sex? According to popular author and speaker Dr. Gary Smalley in I PROMISE: How 5 Commitments Determine the Destiny of Your Marriage, the answer may be "security."

"Do you feel secure enough to open up and share who you really are, including your deepest thoughts, hopes and dreams without those uneasy feelings creeping in --- feelings that maybe you'll be blamed, criticized, condemned, judged, or ridiculed?" This is the sort of intimacy Smalley believes is necessary for the best marriages.

Security, he says, means keeping your promise to love your husband or your wife no matter what. "It doesn't matter if either of you loses your attractiveness, turns grumpy, sour, or uncommunicative, gets a debilitating illness, or falls into deep depression. You will love him. You will cherish her. You promised. And that promise gives your marriage security." The more secure each partner feels, the more their feelings of affection toward each other grow, Smalley writes. But if partners don't feel emotionally safe with each other, he believes it will put the marriage in jeopardy.

Smalley, the author of more than 40 marriage and parenting books (MAKING LOVE LAST FOREVER, THE BLESSING) makes his points with a winning combination of personal, sometimes vulnerable, anecdotes about his own marriage of 41 years. Particularly impressive is his willingness to share his own serious marital mistakes in the early years of his marriage, and a sweet testimonial to his wife Norma toward the end of the book. Smalley's anecdotes are often delivered with a good helping of humor and an ability to poke fun at his own marital misdeeds. He includes practical take-aways ("Becoming a student of your mate," "List your mate's positive qualities") so that his ideas can be easily understood and applied.

Some of his advice will feel familiar: "Make eye contact when you talk. Don't try and change your spouse, change yourself. Men need to be good communicators with their wives." Other ideas might be new to the reader: "Quit being a victim. Take responsibility for your own happiness." Each chapter ends with a teaser that gives the reader a taste of the next chapter.

Five of the chapters unpack five promises that Smalley says create security in marriage. Conform your beliefs to God's truths. Be filled with God. Find God's best in every trial. Listen and communicate with love. Serve your spouse. At the end of the book is an "I Promise Constitution," which both spouses are invited to sign.

Readers will find some stereotypes ("Women want to be attractive, men want to be strong" or "Girls, he loves it when you send out his clothes for cleaning, cook his favorite steak, or watch a ball game with him"). When talking about sticking by a spouse and letting difficult circumstances become "God's hammer strokes" to form in you the character of Christ, Smalley sidesteps the issues of what happens when a spouse is abused or repeatedly cheated on. Sometimes the tone becomes a little over the top: "The principle in the next chapter...offers a promise of fulfillment beyond your wildest dreams!" And far too much research cited ("Intimate talk increases a man's chances of staying healthy 500 percent") is not footnoted or part of the skimpy endnotes, so the reader has no idea specifically where the statistics or information came from.

But this book's core message about affirming commitment and establishing a secure marriage is a welcome one. Engaged couples, newlyweds and longtime married spouses will find ideas for creating deeper intimacy in this accessible book; pastors and marriage counselors will also pick up some tips to pass along to their parishioners and clients.

--- Reviewed by Cindy Crosby

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