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Beyond Deserving: Children, Parents, and Responsibility Revisited [Paperback]

By Dorothy W. Martyn (Author)
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Item description for Beyond Deserving: Children, Parents, and Responsibility Revisited by Dorothy W. Martyn...

A compelling positive model for nurturing children

Publishers Description
Drawing on thirty years of practicing psychotherapy, Dorothy Martyn here gives readers a unique look into a play-therapy room where three children individually present their own journeys over some months. These children, in that setting, provide us with a special lens through which we can better understand what transpires in their minds -- and in ours. Through the children's creative, poetic utterances -- enhanced by the poetry of Emily Dickinson and other literary giants -- Beyond Deserving persuasively argues against the justice idea of reward according to what is deserved and for the superior potency of a beyond-deserving model in cultivating love and creative work in children. Written primarily for parents and other mentors -- teachers, youth leaders, counselors, and so on -- Beyond Deserving draws the subject of child rearing back to its roots in the biblical declaration of unconditional love, love that moves first, without a prior "deserving."

Community Description
This is a powerful book which draws the subject of child rearing back to its biblical roots. Structured around the phrases on Emily Dickinson's poem No. 1058, it argues for a superior model of parenting and draws on 30 years experience of the practice of psychoanalytically informed psychotherapy.
Please Note, Community Descriptions and notes are submitted by our shoppers, and are not guaranteed for accuracy.

Citations And Professional Reviews
Beyond Deserving: Children, Parents, and Responsibility Revisited by Dorothy W. Martyn has been reviewed by professional book reviewers and journalists at the following establishments -
  • Scitech Book News - 12/01/2007 page 116

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Item Specifications...

Studio: Wm. B. Eerdmans Publishing Company
Pages   170
Est. Packaging Dimensions:   Length: 8.96" Width: 6.6" Height: 0.49"
Weight:   0.59 lbs.
Binding  Softcover
Release Date   May 1, 2007
ISBN  0802844227  
ISBN13  9780802844224  

Availability  0 units.

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Product Categories

1Books > Subjects > Parenting & Families > General
2Books > Subjects > Parenting & Families > Parenting > General
3Books > Subjects > Religion & Spirituality > Christianity > Christian Living > General
4Books > Subjects > Religion & Spirituality > Christianity > Fiction & Poetry > Poetry

Christian Product Categories
Books > Christian Living > Relationships > Family Concerns

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Reviews - What do customers think about Beyond Deserving: Children, Parents, and Responsibility Revisited?

Great Therapy for Parents  Dec 28, 2007
This book is a revelation to those seeking to be good parents. What is most remarkable about the book is that as we are given the gift of peeking into the emotional journeys of children we gain insight into ourselves as adults. We see ourselves in these children. This in turn gives us insight into ourselves as parents and how we are handling many of these same emotional issues with our own children.

My wife and I have chosen to read the book out loud together and then discuss the things we have found helpful. The opening thesis of the book was enough to rock our parenting world. It continues to do so. Read it for yourself and see if it doesn't do the same for you. I know that this is a book that we will read and reread again.

James and Dr. Michele Pickett
Beyond Deserving - parenting appropriately based on unconditional love  Nov 1, 2007
At the core of "Beyond Deserving" is parenting guidance presented in a practical style well grounded in academics, scientifically and theologically. As parents, we learn that even as we struggle to do the best we know how for our children, we cannot help but be influenced, for better or for worse, by our own early years, by the ways in which we were raised by our parents and significant mentors. Martyn explains with deep compassion the ongoing development of parents right along with the development of the children whom they are struggling to raise.
Standard parenting techniques such as behavior management and logical consequences are placed within a context of what is ultimately desired, that which is good for the child in the deepest sense, that of assisting a particular child with the awesome task of growing into the adult person this child can uniquely be. Good parenting requires intervening "...powerfully and unconditionally on the side of what is good for the child, standing with the child instead of standing over against him in judgment"(p126). This approach to parenting, based on a model of unconditional (Divine) love, is shown to result in non-authoritarian, non-manipulative parenting that allows a child to blossom according to their own unique potential.
Framed within the poetry of Emily Dickinson, we find help for adults from a humanitarian, scientific, and theological perspective. This book is ultimately practical and compassionate. Compassion is perceived for the battles of childhood, both those common to all children of all generations and those unique to our particular time. Compassion is also present for parents who are struggling with their own limitations to do the best they can for their children.
This is not a step-by-step, how-to-parent book in each particular circumstance, but provides a refreshing lens through which all such parenting techniques can be evaluated as to their ultimate usefulness in truly helping a child flourish and bloom in the deepest way. And, it does so with great compassion for us all. This is a book for all who have children, all who have ever been a child, and all who care about children to read. Compassion for the human race, with all its difficulties and wonder, is at its heart.
Distilled wisdom for parents  Oct 31, 2007
The author, a psychotherapist for young children, has spent 25 years doing play therapy with troubled children.

The book brings her wisdom, distilled from years of meditating on the human condition from the vantage point of what children need in order to flourish.

The inner world of children comes alive before your very eyes in this book. Theology, poetry, psychotherapeutic thought and literature are woven together, with great erudition but without any jargon at all, to make the experience of reading it one that captures your imagination.

Reading it is like listening to a parent or teacher for whom you have the greatest respect talk with you about what matters most in life.
Balancing act  Oct 21, 2007
Very good combination of anecdote and theory.

I wish I'd had this when my kids were younger.
The Healing Power of Unconditional Love  Oct 11, 2007
BEYOND DESERVING: CHILDREN, PARENTS AND RESPONSIBILTY REVISITED is a powerful witness to the healing effects of love not built on earning(78). It should be read by anyone who loves a child or anyone who was a child and struggles against the drought still to bloom.

The guiding metaphor of the book is Emily Dickinson's poem #1058, a poem that describes the miraculous development of the flower through peril and the assistance it receives to "pack the Bud - oppose the Worm - obtain its right of Dew." Behind the poem, this book and the therapeutic model Martyn describes is, as she says, the mystery of unconditional and hence, non-manipulative love. This love, for Martyn, is not merely an underdeveloped human capacity; it is akin to what Dickinson called "the Droughtless Wells"(poem #460), or what the Biblical tradition calls the "mercy of God." (77-78). It is not something we do but something we draw from.

Martyn is a psychotherapist whose work with children over twenty-five years provides the wealth of clinical stories that inspire and animate her theory of development. She is also author of THE MAN IN THE YELLOW HAT (Atlanta: Scholars Press, 1992).

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