Item description for I Don't Love You Anymore: What to do when he says, by David Clarke...
Overview Outlines the author's "guerrilla love" technique for reviving a failing marriage, providing coverage of such topics as establishing healthy boundaries, seeing through lies, and recognizing an affair.
""I don't love you anymore."" These simple words have the power to send the listener into shock, denial, and desperation. The obvious response is to ask oneself, "What can I do to win my partner back?" In "I Don't Love You Anymore, " Dr. David Clarke provides just the battle plan needed.
Contrary to what many relationship "experts" recommend-weak, passive plans that involve begging or romancing a spouse back-Clarke offers an approach that he calls guerilla love, which essentially turns the tables on the wandering spouse. He outlines the biblical view of marriage and instructs readers on: Drawing healthy boundaries. Five things he really means when he says, "I don't love you anymore." The most popular "exit lies" and how to see through them. Classic symptoms of a person who is having an affair. Most important, Clarke empowers and equips readers to make the best, most God-honoring, attempt at saving a marriage.
Citations And Professional Reviews I Don't Love You Anymore: What to do when he says, by David Clarke has been reviewed by professional book reviewers and journalists at the following establishments -
CBA Retailers - 12/01/2002 page 36
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Studio: Thomas Nelson
Est. Packaging Dimensions: Length: 8.4" Width: 5.4" Height: 0.6" Weight: 0.5 lbs.
Release Date Oct 1, 2002
Publisher Thomas Nelson
ISBN 0785265155 ISBN13 9780785265153
Availability 0 units.
More About David Clarke
David Clarke, Ph.D. is a Christian psychologist in private practice in the Tampa, Florida, area. He holds a master's degree in biblical studies from Dallas Seminary and a Ph.D. in clinical psychology from Western Seminary. Clarke is a popular speaker and the author of Men Are Clams, Women Are Crowbars and Winning the Parenting War. He lives with his wife and four children.
David Clarke currently resides in Tampa, in the state of Florida.
Reviews - What do customers think about I Don't Love You Anymore: What to do when he says,?
Must Reading for Every Spouse who has Heard These Words Jan 13, 2006
This book is excellent and must reading for every spouse who has heard the words, "I don't love you anymore." As I read the book, I didn't want to believe the author about what was really going on in my marriage, that my husband was emotionally detached from me and that drastic action would need to be taken if the marriage had a chance of being saved. This is about tough love, not changing for them so that you are "acceptable" to them. I did that (tried to be the wife he wanted me to be) but it didn't work anyway. They were just excuses he gave me of why he was so unhappy.
You will not regret reading this book and implementing what Dr. Clarke says to do. If you have heard the above words, please get this book as soon as you can and follow it. There is a chance your marriage may be saved. I know how painful this time is--I was married for 20 years to my husband when this happened and could not imagine life without him--but take it from me that this is necessary.
YIKES!!!! Aug 18, 2005
This book fails to address the fact that there are ALWAYS 2 people in any dynamic, and only puts the blame on the offending partner, instead of looking at WHY it happened. Shaming someone does not help anyone grow. I do not believe this interpretation of the author's belief about what the Bible says.
I loved his other book "A Marriage Made in God's Eyes," but I found this book almost in direct contradiction to that one. I DO NOT recommend this book.
If you are serious about regaining respect in your marriage Apr 28, 2005
If you are even considering buying this book then you must be at a very dark and confusing time in your life. At least I was when I bought it. Reading this book really put things into perspective and reassured me there was hope no matter what the outcome would be. It's a very matter of fact approach but that is what's necessary when you are going through hard times. Let's just say I was in the finale stage of the book's suggestions and had given up all hope when things turned around for me. I am a firm believer in keeping family together...if it's worth holding on to. Stay strong, and don't lose sight of your needs.
Saved My Friend's Marriage Feb 15, 2005
A little over a year ago, a friend of mine's husband came home from an extended business trip and announced he was leaving his wife and daughter for a woman he had met overseas. She purchased this book as well as a copy for me, as her "accountability partner". Because of the sound, scriptural advice we found in this book and her commitment to prayer and her faith in God, her marriage has been restored. I highly recommend this book for anyone who is looking for a Biblical approach to healing their marriage.
this is NOT the authority Jan 6, 2005
I read this book a little over a year ago and had an even stronger negative reaction than I do today. the reason I upped it to two stars over a possible negative number is that I do believe there are cases in which this is exactly what it is needed. I have yet to read a christian fix your bad marriage book that does not fall into one of two camps: those such as this and Dobson love must be tough that advocate placing the blame on the "obvious" bad boy (or girl as the case may be) in the marraige, reading them the riot act and making them work like a dog to get you back. there is no look at dynamics, no realization that horrible as adultery is there MIGHT. just MIGHT be bad behavior on the other side, repentence of which could make a huge difference in the repentence of the adulterer. I mean if say, a guy is demeaning his wife and very cold and affectionless, maybe putting her in the doghouse for having an affair without addressing his contribution probably will just drive her completely out of the marriage. or it could easily be the woman. which brings us to the other stream of christian marriage books: those that assume that whatever your spouse is doing, if you get your act together and love on them then they will do likewise. sometimes it happens. but sometimes it does not. I think this approach works best when the "injured party" has created a lot of very real grievances for the other party who responded in a socially unacceptable manner. with these "love must be tough" books I always wonder what exactly the authors would propose if BOTH people are cheating on each other adn treating each other badly. HOWEVER some people are just creeps, you could be the spouse of the year and it really wouldnt matter (these are the poeple who might wake up and smell the coffee if the other party applies the principles in books such as the one reviewed here) but NONE of these books, at either end of the extreme ever recommends praying to discern what is really going on and what your response should be. I believe scripture contains justifications for both approaches: perhaps because some situations demand diffeent responses. people can do the same things for different reasons. someone could be cheating because their spouse continues to be deeply hurtful to them on a daily basis (not that that makes cheating right however I would think that the solution to the problem would take this into account) or they could be cheating because the grass is always greener and they need to grow up. how one proceeds depends a great deal on what is going on beneath the surface. this of course requires prayer. but then again, where would the market be for all these instruction manuels if folks just got on their knees and asked God for personalized direction and discernment. and of course where would therapists and coaches make thier money if they didnt have techniques that need constant coaching and moral support(from them of course) to carry them out. there is a place for tough love HOWEVER it would be a very good thing indeed if they would acknowledge that every case of infidelity or other bad behavior on the part of a spouse is individual and what works in one situation does not neccessarily work in another. his statements that "unless you follow my advice your marriage, even if it continues on paper will never be whole and healed" are simply bogus. and his advice that the injured party has the right to just blast away. in this respect Dobsons book is much better: while he is all for sticking up for yourself and showing some self respect, he says it is NEVER alright to be insulting and hurtful to "cleanse yourself". this is the most bogus bit of nonbiblical advice I have ever seen and I can see a still fragile marriage that has survived adultery being dealt a death blow when the "injured party" is permitted, indeed even encouraged to vent with whatever comes into their head as a way to deal with their legitimate anger over the betrayal. remember Jesus says "be angry and sin not".