Item description for Nobody's Child Anymore: Grieving, Caring and Comforting When Parents Die by Barbara Bartocci...
Overview Unlike most books on grieving the loss of a parent, Bartocci takes a comprehensive approach from caring for a dying parent through finding new meaning beyond grief. She writes from experience and offers poignant vignettes approaching hard questions with compassion and a wealth of practical wisdom.
Publishers Description As longevity expands so too does the reality that increasing numbers of people become Nobody's Child Anymore. Unlike most books on grieving the loss of a parent, Barbara Bartocci takes a comprehensive approach from caring for a dying parent through finding new meaning beyond grief. Barbara Bartocci, who has lost both of her parents, speaks from experience and offers poignant vignettes approaching hard questions with compassion and a wealth of practical wisdom. Nobody's Child Anymore is an immensely helpful and comforting resource for anyone caring for a dying parent, mourning the loss, caring for the remaining parent and seeking new meaning beyond grief. Introduction When our parents die and we are adults, we're expected to say, This is an appropriate death. My father . . . my mother . . . lived a full life. It is their time. I'm okay with that. But we are not okay with it. Losing a parent--at any age--is a profound loss. It is such a primal connection, that of parent and child. No matter what your age, no matter what the circumstances of your rearing, no matter how loving or how lethal your relationship, it's impossible to completely ignore the people who gave you life. You can divorce a spouse but not your parents. There is that ultimate tie--the genetic inheritance that somehow entwines us no matter how hard we may try to disconnect. As society ages, and more people experience this inevitable passage, people are beginning to realize that it's not an easy loss just because your parents are in their 60s, 70s, 80s, or even 90s. I was surprised at the depth of my pain when my parents died. And since there isn't yet a lot of cultural support when adults lose their parents, I had to feel my way, as if walking through an unfamiliar forest. I have written this book as a gentle guide through the forest of feelings you may be encountering. It is not a practical manual--turn to other sources for help in planning a funeral or settling an estate. Rather, I share my own experience and the thoughts and experiences of others as a source to ease your soul-pain. The four parts of this book parallel the four-fold experience of loss through which we pass. It begins when we are called upon to care for one of our parents and we come to the difficult realization that Mom or Dad is dying. Then, after the loss, we struggle with the pain of our grief and perhaps some unresolved issues in our relationship with our parents. At the same time, we are often called upon to offer comfort and support to our surviving parent. We may then lose a second parent and experience the special pain of becoming an adult "orphan." Grieving is a process that has its own time. But eventually, we come to some resolution of our pain and we complete our grief. I have learned that there is a special light that may come in the wake of our parents' leaving. I discovered, as you will, too, that in a deeper sense, our parents don't leave us. They become part of us. A SORIN BOOKS Publication Distributed by Ave Maria Press
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Studio: Sorin Books
Est. Packaging Dimensions: Length: 8.45" Width: 5.57" Height: 0.36" Weight: 0.38 lbs.
Release Date Oct 1, 2000
Publisher Sorin Books
ISBN 1893732215 ISBN13 9781893732216
Availability 0 units.
More About Barbara Bartocci
Bartocci is an award-winning author and motivational speaker. She lectures frequently on spirituality and self-growth. A presentation trainer for several major seminar companies, Bartocci also serves as a marketing consultant to individual clients.
Barbara Bartocci currently resides in the state of Kansas.
Reviews - What do customers think about Nobody's Child Anymore?
If you've lost both parents, this book is a must Oct 28, 2007
I had lost both parents by age 40 - this is the first book I found that addresses the grief that comes even with the loss of "imperfect" parents and helps you see that your feelings are completely logical. Can't recommend this enough if you are in this unfortunate place.
This book was very comforting Mar 3, 2006
Once I read this book, I realized that all of the things I was feeling were completely normal. I no longer felt all alone.The author described all the emotions that I had experienced losing both of my parents within one and a half years. I recommend reading this if you have lost a parent or have an aging or terminally ill one.
A nice little book but not quite... Oct 21, 2003
This is a really sweet little book but not quite what I was looking for. It was somewhat comforting to read about other people's experiences and how they felt when they're older parent(s) passed away but I guess I was and still am looking for something different. I just recently lost my dear father in a terrible accident but he was not old and he was very healthy. This book deals more with parents dying quite old and ill. Just not for me and my situation.
Not much comfort Oct 8, 2003
This book was recommended by a Christian counselor after the death of both my parents within about a year's time. I found little comfort in the message of this book. The book looked at death from a New Age standpoint (we can find our comfort in the beauty of mother nature), from the Universalist standpoint (everybody goes to heaven when they die), and the Roman Catholic standpoint (we can pray to other dead people who are in heaven to help our recently deceased loved ones). The book never presents the cause for eternal salvation provided in God's Word - that faith and trust in the sacrifice of Jesus Christ is our means to eternal life with God. Neither of my parents ever spoke about trusting in Jesus Christ prior to their deaths, and it is difficult not knowing if they understood the Gospel of Jesus Christ. If we embrace the message of this book, then there's little need to spread the Gospel of Jesus Christ to the ends of the earth, because either everybody goes to heaven, everybody joins to nature, or we can pray for them after they've passed away. I'd rather use the pain of my parents passing to encourage me to try harder to spread the Gospel of my wonderful Lord and Savior Jesus Christ to the ends of the earth.
Permission to grieve as I have needed to Aug 4, 2003
My 88 year old dad died January 8, 2003. Although I was unable to look at his picture for a couple of months, I thought I was "handling it" just fine. Besides, although my mother was also suffering from dementia, she was obviously aware that Daddy was gone and I needed to concentrate on her. Then on May 7, 2003, Mama died - and I began to grieve. It was almost like losing them both the same day. I guess as long as my mother was still here, I still felt a connection to my dad as well. I never expected to hurt so badly. They were 88, in extremely poor health and had not been like the parents I had known for quite some time. But now they are gone.Even knowing this was coming and being 50 years old myself, I was still devastated. After I had finished everything with the memorial service and everyone had gone home, I began to realize how very bereft I was. I felt foolish having so much grief - after all, they were old and sick, better off now, etc., all of the usual platitudes. I have a strong religious faith and have no questions as to where they are now. I did not want them to continue suffering. And yet, I missed my mom and dad. I first read "The Orphaned Adult," which was extremely helpful and which I recommend. But I still seemed to be sadder than I thought I should be for a person losing parents later in life. I could no longer sleep through the night, if I got to sleep at all. I had thought about ordering this book for a while, but felt I was being too self indulgent. Finally I gave in and I am so thankful I did. Ms. Bartocci hit me "right where I lived." She put words to my sadness and gave me the permission to "still" feel sad. She describes grief as individual to each of us, which made me feel less of a "freak." As I said, I am not a "group help" person. This book, as another reviewer stated, was like having a group in my home. It has now been three months since my mother died. I still start to go to the phone to call her and I still cannot drive past the Alzheimer's unit where she and my daddy spent the last years of their amazing 67 year marriage. But, as Ms. Bartocci explained, I am having more "good days" than bad and am gradually able to talk about my parents without tearing up. Thank God for this book because her words encouraged me to allow myself to continue in my grief, gradually getting better, instead of making myself deny it,even to myself - which would probably have had dreadful consequences. I recommend this book with the highest recommendation and I want to thank the author for her kind heart and for being so open with her life so that she may help people like me.