Item description for Transcending Loss: Understanding the Lifelong Impact of Grief and How to Make It Meaningful by Ashley Davis Bush...
Overview Drawing on a collection of interviews, Prend discusses how people grieve and feel loss and how, through time, they come to deal with and transcend the pain in order to continue on in their own lives, many times stronger than they had been before. Original.
Publishers Description A new and inspiring approach to the process of grieving, this book helps those who have lost a loved one make meaning out of life and death.
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Studio: Berkley Trade
Est. Packaging Dimensions: Length: 8.23" Width: 4.93" Height: 0.83" Weight: 0.6 lbs.
Release Date Aug 1, 1997
Publisher Berkley Trade
ISBN 042515775X ISBN13 9780425157756 UPC 071831013958
Reviews - What do customers think about Transcending Loss?
Best book for my situation May 28, 2008
When my two month old son died, I read many books to try to help me. This one was given to my by a good friend who lost her husband to heart attack without warning. It was the best book out of all of them that I read and I have given it to many people who I know are in need of help after their loss.
I would definately recommend it to anyone.
A must reading for someone grieving Aug 23, 2007
Victoria, my wife of 17 years died suddenly 3 months ago, needless to say it was so devastating, I have never experienced anything like this in my whole life; anger, shock, confusion, a pain so intense that it was terrifying. This book helped me so much in understanding my grief, it pointed the way for me to start coming up from the depths of my despair. The author has done a wonderful work. There are other fine books, but this one did it for me.
Superb Jul 22, 2007
This book has been more helpful than any other that I've read since the death of my husband of 38 years almost three months ago. I've also found A Time to Grieve" by Carol Staudacher very useful, with meditations every day for healing after the loss of a loved one.
Learning How To Let Go ... And Live. Oct 30, 2006
We Don't All Grieve The Same., December 19, 2005
We, as human beings, search for the meaning in bad things which happen to us, and we may find our belief systems just don't hold up anymore. Finding meaning is not the same as finding rewards. "During a lenghty illness, we have a chance to make life changes while the person is still alive -- and we may be much readier to 'move on' that those dealing with a sudden death. We have to consider the unexpectedness of an auto accident which takes the life of a young person, which brings anguish due to the circumstances. We could not say goodbye or tell the loved one how much we love them. It's an overwhelming reality which leads to extreme sadness.
Those who are having trouble finding direction "may have hidden anger, which can masquerade as depression." One widow divulged, "I have this hangover of a depression and have been diagnosed with post-traumatic disorder...have flashbacks and nightmares." Certain areas of one's life take longer to heal than others. "A lot of time goes toward digging deep in the wound and getting out the infection." One mother admitted, "Every year for Christmas, I still get a game for my kids" even though they are past the age for such games. The main thing is to stay active and creative; see yourself as someone with something to offer the world.
"Staying connected with others, which those in bad relationships sometimes forfeit for the sake of peace is critical for mental health." Don't take anything for granted. We have to help ourselves to 'let go' and 'move on' to pursue our own lives. Life doesn't have to be perfect to be fulfilling. "Letting go of my desires, of believing I knew best, and just spreading my wings, was my spiritual awakening." Spirituality forged during desperate times "is uniquely meaningful." Although our culture generally sees death and bereavement in negative terms, "there is a richness to the grief process that is seldom acknowledged."
"Sometimes we grow not by learning lessons from the dead but by dealing with the aftermath of a death." The more you think about others in terms of a higher power as practiced in the principles of Al-Anon, the more peace you have. "It helped me forgive myself for not being able to help her more."
Here is a good metaphor for the year following a loved one's death: "When you plant winter wheat, you look around, everything is bleak. You plant it, and nothing happens...but, when you least expect it, the following spring -- there it is!" Ofttimes, a sign appears to ease the pain such as a "glorious shooting star as it cross the dark, winter sky." After seeing the star, "I began to think that there was something beyond myself...the possibility that our spirits, and the spirits of human beings everywhere remain connected even after death."
Some lingering slow deaths bring a sense of relief to the person left behind: such losses can sometimes transform our lives in dramatic and positive ways. Barbara Wood, in her book GOOD GRIEF, wrote: "The realisation can not only be liberating but also prevents long-term feeling of alienation, especially in situations like the loss of a parent." My dad's death, though I was no part of it, enabled me to return to a place I loved where life was good for me, growing up with a fierce independence and determination. After some hardships, I met the right people to set me on a path to make a public service poor folks in particular need to survive a little better. God had a mission for me in my hometown, and the unsettled life prepared me for the task of speaking up for others. God does indeed work in mysterious ways.
This book will help you to relieve the guilt of relief with which many survivors are burdened. They, as grief therapist and counselor, show that "relief is a healthy reaction" in certain situations and in no way should "breed guilt and continued silence." While standing at my father's open grave, a lovely butterfly flew up and landed on my chest where my chronic pain is; it was an omen that it was finally time for me to come home and be myself. Our kids speak the truths that we wouldn't necessarily divulge even to friends, especially about death of a loved one.
A superficial Book Jul 19, 2005
Do not read this book if you are in fact in the greiving process. It will only plunge you further down as the author constantly reminds you that the pain never goes away, that it will be with you forever, etc. People who are in pain and are true to their feelings already know this. Can't she come up with something better than "making lemons out of lemonade" to help describe Transcendence? All the people she uses are forever damaged and admit they are. Where is the help in this? How can the REASON and MOTIVATION be found to actually "transcend" your tragedy and supposedly find "goodness" in terrible loss? This is not addressed. The author also claims to have interviewed fifty people(not a very large number), but uses the same five or so people for examples in the book. If you are in the grief process and looking for a book to give you that elusive glimmer of hope for the future, this is not it.